Sunday, October 30, 2011

Lyrical Gangster

Ah, nuts.  I was all ready to write a post about all the horrible music I love and am not ashamed to admit, when I read over there on Aiming Low a similar post.  It wasn’t the first time I imagined something and then saw it out there in Internetland, as if my brainwaves were somehow sucked into my laptop screen and filtered through the brains of others looking at the same content at a particular time.  Our thoughts intermingle and filter back to our respective brains with the same idea, and I came around too late, probably because I was too busy diatribing about the sluttiness of Milk or something else utterly idiotic.  Anyway, I still have that list of terrible music I love, and the reasons for this love, which is so wrong but feels so right.

  1. Copacabana (Barry Manilow):  I’m a total sucker for a song with a story.  Barry Manilow’s disco saga encompasses everything I love about a song: a strong latin beat, love and loss, an old lady drinking herself blind in a disco wearing a faded showgirl dress.  Timeless; classic.
Looks bad.  Sounds good.

  1. Dinosaur (Ke$ha):  This song turns me into a nineteen-year-old with a short skirt and fake ID who thinks she is the toast of the bar she snuck into.  I’ve listened to it so much that my family has heard “Hittin’ on me WHAAA?  You need a CAT SCAN!” about twelve too many times.
Well, this is embarrassing.

  1. Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You (Frankie Valli, also Lauryn Hill): This is the ultimate lounge lizard song.  I’d like to say that I kill this at karaoke, except I’ve never done it.  Love the raw emotion of this one, which pairs well with white patent leather loafers and an open-collar shirt, lots of gold chains and possibly a velvet jacket.  I guess I’m also a 70’s-era cross dresser when hearing this song.
Try to look away.

  1. Party in the U.S.A. (Miley Cyrus):  I love, love, love this song.  When it came out, I immediately fell in love with it and downloaded it from iTunes and listened to it endlessly and without shame, because my kids were as awed of it as I was.  I even have my own little internal video of me singing this song, complete with winking and hip-jerks. Now, when I kick it up into high gear, my kids roll their eyes.  Sorry kids.  I don’t care if your friends are with us.  Mommy’s playing her jam.
There's really no good excuse for
loving this song.

  1. Dental Care (Owl City):  I especially love this ode to the dentist visit because I hate going to the dentist, stemming from a particularly torturous appointment where I was stabbed in the mouth five times with Novocain and ended with me sobbing uncontrollably and with a massive pounding headache and a numb face that lasted several hours past the norm.  I listen to this song when I have an appointment, and it makes my teeth hurt, it’s so sweet.  A friend said that it makes her ears hurt because it’s so bad.  But I still love it.
Seriously.  It IS this sweet.

  1. Livin’ La Vida Loca (Ricky Martin): I’ll never forget seeing Ricky Martin perform this song on the Grammys before he became popular again, years after Menudo.  I was like, “Whaaaa…? Whooo…?  And drooled just a little bit on my green moleskin jeans.  I couldn’t get enough of older Ricky, his dazzling smile and big brown eyes.  Yes, yes, why was he singing about this girl with the mocha skin and devil red lips, as if she was dangerously luring him into some hedonistic life of sin?  He’s gay.  My answer to that is: who cares?  He’s HOT.
Again, Seriously.

  1. Rocky Raccoon (The Beatles):  Another song with a story.  I love it because it’s mostly talking, sharing a good story with a little bit of singing.  A good campfire song.  Which would be awesome if I liked campfires, or being outside, but since I like neither one of those, I like to sing it in my car at the top of my lungs, inflecting in all the right places.
Rocky wasn't this tough
when Dan was kicking his ass.

  1. Praise You (Fatboy Slim): This isn’t really a terrible song, but it’s also not one that too many people would herald as one of their favorites.  I love this song because it played at our wedding reception after my husband and I left for our honeymoon. This was a big mistake, because it was when all the action took place.  When we watch the video of our guests dancing to this song, a wide shot shows so many drunken people doing so many questionable dance moves and activities that we cannot show it to any of them.
Not my wedding video, yet almost as frightening.

  1. The Promise (When in Rome): One of my favorite terrible 80’s songs.  It takes me back to high school and the wish for that perfect 80’s John Hughes moment that included Andrew McCarthy wanting me back after ditching me at prom.
Who cares about prom.
Let's make out.

  1.  Round and Round (Ratt): Something about the simple nature of crashing guitars and repeating tune of the lyrics in this song knock me right out.  It’s so tough, yet it talks about shooting arrows through hearts – pure love, I just know it.
Love is scary, isn't it, Uncle Miltie?

So that's my top ten.  There are others that I enjoy on the sly, but they’re too embarrassing to admit.  What terrible music are you listening to, o sneaky one?


photo credit Barry Manilow, photo credit Ke$ha, photo credit Frankie Valli, photo credit Miley Cyrus, photo credit Dental Care at HEARTmeHATEme.deviantart.com, photo credit Ricky Martin, photo credit Midnight Rider at shirt.woot, photo credit Andrew McCarthy

10 comments:

  1. I'm literally LOL...the combination of your post AND Luke's commentary while I'm reading...he thinks that Barry need to "get new clothes..." and that Frankie Valli looks "like he is almost dead...".

    I too like to rock out to Party in the USA...think of the gleeful torture I could inflict upon Kate at her Sweet 16 with this...

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  2. OMG - Luke! Party in the USA was made for Moms. Poor Miley. She didn't see THAT one coming.

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  3. ADDICTED to Baby, Justin Bieber. Can't help it, I think he's adorable!

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  4. Um... Disney's Greatest Hits, volumes 1, 2 AND 3 and conversely, B*tches Ain't Sh*t, the Ben Folds version. I roll down route 30 singing that like I'm headed into Compton to pimp my hos.

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  5. Baby has been known to frequent an "Andrea's Awesome Playlist" on the old 'Pod from time to time. Or always. And Bitches Ain't Shit. No shame in that, hos or otherwise.

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  6. hmm... i can't remember the last time i listened to MY music! it's always raffi, charlotte diamond or some other kids' crap! i do love #3 on your list though (the lauryn hill version). actually, now that i think of it, as much as i hate enya, i love it when her songs come on because they put the kids to sleep (i downloaded some for naptime).

    Karen
    www.nakedmommydiaries.com

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  7. @Naked Mommy: The absence of your own music may change little as the kids get older, except that you might take a liking to whatever shizz your kids listen to. See #4 on my list, and there are many, many more. FYI, Selena Gomez is the BOMB-diggity.

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