- Getting a call from my husband when he’s at work or on a business trip at the moment I take out the garbage get the mail go to the bathroom take a shower step out to turn the steaks on the grill cut myself with a knife about to run out the door to the gym grocery store school church mall post office dance studio sports practice or putting the kids to bed or going to bed myself.
- Getting a call from my mother at those same times.
- Sitting down at the end of a long day to relax only to have the phone ring with a wrong number or telemarketer, the first call I’ve had all day.
- Having a laxative kick in while waiting for five grown women to finish up their shopping at a drugstore.
- Realizing I forgot my wallet at the end of a huge food shopping trip.
- Lifting a too-full glass of water to my lips at the exact moment the doorbell rings, spilling the glass of water into my lap and having to answer the door looking like I just peed my pants.
- Dumping a huge bowl of leftover chicken noodle soup into the fridge when rushing to make it to a meeting on time.
- Following my husband going 60 in a 45 in a speed trap.
- Going to the beach during Shark Week. Every time.
- Having a huge pimple somewhere conspicuous on my body for each and every major event in my life.
- Getting sick on my wedding day. Getting better at the end of the honeymoon.
Friday, May 4, 2012
I have this thing about bad timing. If there’s a time that is bad in any situation, then I will be involved in it somehow. I used to think that everyone else had bad timing, because I often find myself in awkward situations when another person needs my attention. I have since realized that, like many other events in the universe, it’s not them, it’s me. A few examples of my bad timing: