Monday, May 7, 2012

Eight Names I Wish I’d Thought Of First

Mos Def:  The baddest name I can think of.  I wish I'd been the first Mos Def.  I would buy packs of those “Hello My Name Is” stickers and wear them everywhere.  It would be awesome.

J. Lo:  Not only is Jennifer Lopez beautiful and talented, but she created a nickname for herself that is both sweet and sassy.  Coming up with it was pure genius; I wish I would have thought of it.  Of course, just any name wouldn't have done so well.  It mos def wouldn’t have worked out nearly as well if her name was Frances Yukon.

Mike D:  I was always a Beastie Boys fan (RIP MCA).  Before I had kids, I thought it would be great to name a son Mike D so that I could teach him to say “Aw yeah, that’s ME” anytime someone called his name.  That would have been the best, but I couldn’t get my husband to approve.  He probably would have if I'd have been the one to think of it first.  That would have been rad.

Superman:  Sometimes, the best names are the simplest.  This says it all: I’m super and I’m a man.  It’s too bad that this name now conjures up unfortunate images of a man in tights, his only weakness being glowing green rocks.  It could have been so much cooler, and dudes with Superman tattoos would be regarded with awe instead of being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Madison:  I remember when I first heard this name.  It was in the movie Splash, and it was meant to be silly because the mermaid was named after a street in New York City.  I loved it, and then so did everyone else.  Now there are 40 kids in my kids’ school named Madison.  Currently it is a girls’ name, but it can also be a boys’ name, especially if a boy got the name at the beginning of the Madison craze, in which case he probably tells everyone that he was named after James Madison, one of our nation’s founding fathers, who also had a wife with a pretty interesting name.

Cher:  It means “dear” in French.  It’s simple and classy and beautiful.  Not unlike the real Cher, but not really like her, either.  Way to go, Cher.

Sarah Jessica Parker: It is unacceptable to go by your full name unless you live in the South or if you are a celebrity.  I wish I would have come up with this name first, because as everyone knows, if you live outside the southern portion of the US or Hollywood and use all three of your names, you are pompous and elitist, or worse, a hick, especially if Bob or Jo or Ray are involved.  SJP has a beautiful name that is also recognizable by her initials.  Incidentally, being identified by initials is OK if they don’t spell out a word, like ICE or PIG, or indicate a suggestive term, like SM.  My apologies to my daughter.

Yaz: A name from the 80’s.  It was the name of a band which I didn’t listen to a lot but which I never forgot the name.  It’s futuristic and sharp, and could have had wider usage had the band become more popular.  Sadly, now it’s most familiarly the name of an oral contraceptive swamped with lawsuits from users claiming blood clots.  Yaz - no thankz.

What awesome name would you like to claim?



  1. I KNEW you were serious about Mike D. I still really want a kid around that would say "Aww yeah! That's me!" anytime anybody said his name. Also, 'Yaz' is the nickname of Baseball Hall of Famer Carl Yastrzemski.

    1. There's still time to have a kid who says this. Ha ha ha, not by me, of course. That's just crazy talk.

  2. Tyler, it's all on you buddy.