Maybe I have an undeveloped palate. I’m not sure what that means. I think it means that I cannot distinguish between flavors easily, and can’t tell what I’m eating unless I know what’s in it. I do not take too much time deciding what flavor is my favorite. It’s like I fail to discern what’s good and what’s bad and what’s okay. I will eat almost anything.
You might be surprised to hear that in general, despite all this wishy-washiness about what goes into my pie hole (oooooh… pie), I am a good cook.
However, sometimes I will make a grave mistake in preparation and we will have to order pizza.
Here are a few of my favorite food mistakes:
One food faux pas occurred soon after I was allowed to use the range in my parents’ home. I boiled a box of elbow noodles and sautéed some onions in butter and mixed the whole thing together. It sounds minor until I tell you that they were dried, minced onions. Like a whole bottle of them. And I guess stirred with melted margarine instead of sautéed in butter is a better description of what I did with them. At least I drained the noodles before I mixed them with the awful onion-flavored oil-based butter substitute. I tried giving some to my dad, who will eat anything disgusting. He said no thanks.
Once I put a roast in a pot with some onion soup mix and a bit of water and stuck it in the oven. An hour later I pulled it out and sliced it up for dinner. It was burnt on the outside and raw on the inside. I don’t remember what we finally ate for dinner that night, but I do know that I cried.
Just yesterday I neglected to follow the instructions on the Mac and Cheese box and found that I had accidentally made Mac and Cheese soup for my children for dinner. I drained the extra liquid, along with all the flavor. They complained, as would anyone if they were expected to eat weird tasteless yellow pasta.
Although smoothies are simple, I can mess them up like a champ. A particularly disgusting smoothie mistake I made recently was neglecting to add ice to the yogurt and blueberries I blended. I also might have used milk instead of juice. Then I had a flash of brilliance and threw a handful of granola in the blender. What I got was warm chunky fruity goop. It was not good. I still drank it.
Forget about baking. Instructions or not, I still can’t get it right. Once in a while I will bake cookies that both look AND taste good, or a cake will look like someone other than a toddler made it in his Easy-Bake. But not regularly.
I was twelve when I made my first boxed cake. It was a two layer cake, and it was completely flat. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong, and while I was re-reading the instructions, my grandmother came over and laughed at it. She still laughs about it. I do not.
A couple of years ago I made cake icing. It separated and slid off as I tried to spread it around the cake. I no longer attempt to make cake icing.
Chocolate chip cookies are the bane of my existence. They always look like pancakes and I am embarrassed to serve them to anyone. I won’t even put them in my kids’ lunchboxes.
Okay. I guess I’m not such a good cook anyway. Can I come over for dinner?
|Dinner tonight. |
Can't wait to see how badly I can screw this up.