If you’re like me, life is defined by awkward moments.
My early youth was highlighted by an incident in which I
wore a white bathing suit which, when wet, became invisible. As I emerged from our backyard pool and my
brother pointed out the obvious, I tore into the house to hide, covered my bits
with a towel, and spent the rest of the day inside.
Elementary school is remembered as a time when, as a
cheerleader and head of the line, I pranced out onto the gym floor at halftime
at a basketball game. My ponytail and
cheerleading skirt bounced gaily together as I kicked up my heels, ready to
perform a dance number that we had practiced to perfection. As I turned to jump and face the audience, hands
on hips, my huge smile froze into a grimace as I realized that none of my
fellow cheerleaders had followed me out onto the floor. I was standing in the middle of the basketball
court all alone. It was just a timeout, not halftime, and it was NOT time for me to dance.
Ahhh, the teen years.
I’m not sure which uncomfortable memory is more defining, the one where
suddenly starting my period at school was alternately horrifying and
embarrassing, or the one where, as a member of the Color Guard in our marching band, I was still made
to march during the Homecoming game even though I couldn't twirl a flag because I had a cast on my arm, or the fact that I
also attended the Homecoming dance all dressed up with said cast on my arm?
Awkward moments in college were propelled by alcohol and often
blossomed into indiscretions, as I said and did things that if dwelt on even
now I wince painfully.
Some were just plain funny. A
girlfriend and I had the opportunity to meet the 1990s group Gin Blossoms at my
college after a concert. As our turn
came to meet the band, I sidled up to the lead singer and mused that I wish he
could take me home with him. As he
demurred politely I realized what I had done.
He thought I was flirting, and I explained that I wasn’t really into him
or his band, and that I was jokingly asking for a free ride back to Arizona
where they were from because my boyfriend at the time lived there. I watched the playful look in his eyes turn to
annoyance and then abject hatred as me and my girlfriend screamed off into the night, hysterical
at the discomfort of the whole interaction.
As an adult the awkwardness continues. Parties and gatherings are opportunities for
me to put my foot in my mouth, like the wedding reception where I hashed out the details of childbirth and after birth events, or at the church picnic where I
wrongly assumed a fellow conversant and mere acquaintance knew about a minor
transgression my son had recently made regarding his undergarments, and gave details that no one should know. The looks on people’s faces are precious when
they hear me blather on about something totally inappropriate to the situation
and utterly confusing in every way.
People just don’t know what to do with one as awkward as me.
And I can’t for the life of me figure out how to be any
other way.
*******
Oh wow! I remember those awkward teenage years clearly so I understand.
ReplyDeleteI used to listen to Gin Blossoms songs too. Hey, at least you got one heck of a killer story to share ;)
I guess so. However if it had been a Pearl Jam or Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, the story would be way different. Oh, who am I kidding. It would've been just as awkward.
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