It was the perfect picture to present to all my long-lost
high school buddies who I hadn’t talked to or seen in years. Doesn’t she look great, they will say. Wow.
She hasn’t aged at all.
The truth was that it was originally a picture of my
daughter and me, whom I ruthlessly cropped out so as not to take away from my
gorgeousness. And it was a total fluke,
since most pictures of me are not even half that flattering.
But I used it, and I welcomed the compliments. Who needs to know how I look on a daily
basis? Let’s give the people what they want.
They don’t need to know that I am often unwashed, dress in sweats and
sneakers, sometimes have acne, and sport a ponytail every single day.
But really, what’s the harm?
Does our outward appearance really make a difference in how others view
us or how much they want to be friends with us?
Sadly, many psychological studies say yes. But that doesn’t stop me from showing you pictures of myself that would make the internet cut, and their, um, counterparts that wouldn't. Until now.
Photo Pair #1 Pictures of me in France. A couple of years ago my family and I spent a
couple of weeks in Paris. One of these
pictures made it into my internet picture hall of fame, as it became the
profile picture you see here on my blog, on Twitter, and elsewhere as it became recognizable to at least a dozen people as me, About
100%. The other picture taken of me in
France did not make it, mostly because I look lost and/or drugged, and clearly
confused.
Photo Pair #2 Pictures of me in wine country. My husband and I recently toured some
wineries with friends in upstate New York.
We had a good time, as evidenced by photo #1. This is the classiest I looked all
weekend. The rest of the time was spent
fireside, at night. It was cold, we were
tipsy, and because I hate campfires and/or being outside, I mostly looked like
picture #2.
Photo Pair #3: Pictures of me at New Years. For New Years, I love to dress up. I bought this short, sequined white party
dress that was way too dressy for a house party. I spent the evening feeling dazzling, until
I started goofing around trying to photobomb everyone’s pictures. I tried so hard to look beautiful that
night. Then I didn’t.
There are so many more.
Here’s one of me wearing not one, but two sock buns, a la Princess Leia:
I was so giddy when taking that picture. My kids were posing in the background like
pirates, while I was taking ridiculous selfies.
Actually, that picture is probably the one most seen by internet
strangers, since this is my most popular post from the blog. That’s what I get for being vain.
How about this one where I was caught in my “take the damn
picture already” face? Not internet
worthy, clearly:
And there’s this one:
Quick! Get this girl some makeup! And some hair products! And a teeth whitening!
Quick! Get this girl some makeup! And some hair products! And a teeth whitening!
There are many more pictures that have been deleted for
vanity reasons. So many, in fact, that
my husband had a hard time coming up with a good family picture for our
Christmas card recently, because I had deleted all the ones of our family in which I looked
like a hag. We ended up taking a quick
snap the night he ordered the pictures.
I didn’t have the time to edit it before he hit the order button.
Sigh. Why am I not Beyonce is what I really want to know.
Sigh. Why am I not Beyonce is what I really want to know.
*******
OMG, I just laughed out loud, scared the cat, and fell right off my chair. Awesome.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me you got that on film. ;)
DeleteAnd Thanks!
Love, love, love this! I'm cracking up too because I can so relate. My discrepancy is worse though. Although once in awhile I'll show the "real me" I am so much heavier than my wedding photos that I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. This is due to anti-depressants, mommy-hood and just all out could be-eating-more-salads.
ReplyDeleteI keep thinking that I'll get it all under control and get all skinny and this little phase will be a little blip under the radar.
Then again ... what will I ever do about all the wrinkles?
Could-be-eating-more-salads is also a big problem of mine. Especially during Girl Scout Cookie season, which we are in the midst of right now.
DeleteAnd yes, what to do about the wrinkles when the extra weight is gone and the skin starts to sag? Do we spend money on food, or mommy's skin treatments?
I say pass the chocolate.
Ha ha ha this was a really funny post. I totally agree..But I do like to look pretty to the million random people who look at my FB page. Not to forget the high school friends.
ReplyDeleteYes! I guess I don't have to tell you how hard it was for me to post these unflattering pictures. Somehow I think you'll understand. :)
Delete20150523wengdongdong
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