Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Seven Celebrities I’d Like to Be Mine

Valentine’s Day is almost here, and with it comes pronouncements of love, chocolate and wine, candlelight, and amazing sexual pressure coming from any of a myriad of sources: pop culture, retailers, your significant other, your own frantic libido.

For me, Valentine’s Day is a quiet day spent shuttling my children off to school, maybe a baggie of Valentines tucked into their backpacks that we spent the previous evening shopping for and signing for their classmates.  It’s kind of a nice holiday if it gets an appropriate celebration, which is to say if I get a nice card and a little extra affection from my husband when he comes home from work, that’s just fine with me.  Oh, and wine.  There should be wine.

I always get my husband a Valentine that expresses a sentiment that matches whatever I am feeling at the time.  One particularly playful year I got him a corny card with a picture of a playing card that read “You’re the King of My Heart.”  Another year I got him an Elvis card.  Sometimes they are serious, if I can find one that expresses something that I would say to him.  Not anything like “I could spend eternity staring into the limpid pools of your eyes.  The world could fall away and I would willingly die in your able arms of masculinity.”

Seriously.  I'm not that romantic.  First of all, I’d have to define ‘limpid’ and describe what is meant by ‘able arms of masculinity.’  It totally wouldn’t be worth it.  My husband is a smart guy, but these expressions would stump him and the moment would be lost.

Anyway, Valentine’s Day is fun to tell your loved ones how much you love them, but what if your loved one was a celebrity?  Here are seven ways I’d tell my favorite celebrities how much I love thee.  Or thou.  Whatever.  Here we go.

Christian Bale:  Oh Christian, your brooding, dark and slightly menacing ways intrigue me.  Come to my house where we can talk about our future together and I can lose myself in your crinkly smile.  I promise not to ask you to speak to me in your Batman voice.  In fact, please don’t.

Christian Bale photo credit

Colin Firth:  Colin, your vulnerability and humor set you apart from the rest.  Even though every time I think of you I think of that guy from Downton Abbey, you will always be my first English celebrity crush.

Colin Firth photo credit

Adam Levine:  Adam.  Just seeing you makes my heart skip a beat.  Whatever you’re doing to appear hotter each time I look at you, please don’t stop.  Forgive me for the time when I made fun of Moves Like Jagger because Mick Jagger is as sexy as a lizard and his moves are surely terrible.

Adam Levine photo credit

Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner:  Dear Zac and Taylor, thank you for being over 18.  It makes me feel better for thinking about how pretty you are, especially since I still think of you as Troy and Shark-Boy.

Zac Efron photo credit


Taylor Lautner photo credit

Andrew Garfield:  Oh Andrew, your nerdiness and self-effacing ways charm me to no end.  I will never forget how you handily made a movie about spiders and superheroes something that I would willingly watch with my children, and the mumbling that you did so effortlessly so we had to watch the one kissing scene over and over until we could understand what you were saying.

Andrew Garfield photo credit

Jason Bateman:  Jason, we go way back.  I’ll never forget how you kept showing up in random TV shows of my childhood, and how you came back to me as an adult with my favorite kind of humor and wise-cracking sensibilities.  You have aged well, and I hope that the fact that I haven’t doesn’t deter you from spending time with me.  Or us, as my husband loves you almost as much as I do.

Jason Bateman photo credit


Be My Valentine!  
Love, Andrea

This post was inspired by:

Mama’s Losin’ It



Choice #4:  List 7 celebrities you’d like to give Valentines to

18 comments:

  1. And what about ... what's that favorite comedian of mine again? Ryan who played in The Proposal and Just Friends? I love him.

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    1. Ryan Reynolds. I thought of him too, but we just saw the Green Lantern, which ruined him a little for me.

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  2. Hey Girl, what about Ryan Gosling??

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    1. I KNOW, right? Although Keith informed me that he has probably been warned to get a restraining order against me, so he wouldn't appreciate it as much as the others would.

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  3. "As sexy as a lizard". Hahahaha. That is hilarious. Every and anytime I see him I am stunned into silence by how small of a man he is. Stature and build! It's a little creepy. Loved the post!

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    1. Thanks. I missed MJ's sexy years, evidently. Although I was always more of a Beatles fan anyway.

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  4. This was fun to read ... although I admit a little shamefully, that I don't know who those men are - except for Zac Efron and Jason Bateman.

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    1. Thank you - it's my opinion that most women love Zac Efron but are not quite sure if it's legal to do so.

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  5. Oh Jason, yes. Adam too... Though Jagger used to be a sex symbol when he was MUCH younger.

    I also wrote valentines to my fav celebs :)

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    1. There's actually a very beautiful picture of Mick taken by David Bailey when he was about 20. If I was 70, I'd totally be into him.

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  6. *Totally* with you on the Jason Bateman front. He might have been my first ever crush...I watched "The Hogan Family" religiously...

    *clickin in from MamaKat*

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    1. Better Jason Bateman than Scott Baio, that's what I always say.

      Thanks for having my back!

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  7. That part about Jagger is pretty funny. I've always taken that song to mean that Mick has a very distinctive way of moving that is entirely his own, and quite frankly, he moves pretty well for a guy who is going to be 70 years old this year!

    Colin Firth is a cutie and so talented. He does remind me of Hugh Bonneville, though, or is it the other way around?

    Thanks for visiting my blog!

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    1. You are right about MJ being able to move around so well. When I am an elderly person I hope to also be rocking at least half as hard as he does. But in private, of course.

      And thank you for backing me up on the Colin/Hugh similarity! Colin got me through my kids Nanny McPhee days.

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  8. It could be a troublesome choice when somebody who is imperative to us wants to meet a superstar; their supervisors normally abstain from conferring the big name to such demands.

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