Wednesday, April 17, 2013

10 Blushable Situations

Coming up with a list of ten things that would make me blush is easy.  Making a list of only ten things that would make me blush is hard. 

So I’m a blusher.  It’s real, it’s involuntary, it’s unstoppable.

I noticed this phenomenon in my face about fifteen years ago, when I was in graduate school (yes, I said fifteen years ago.  Contrary to my amazing youthfulness and vitality both in person and online, I am not twenty years old.  Thank you for thinking it).  We were forced expected to regularly make presentations in front of the class and groups of underclassmen for professional development purposes and also I think to torture us psych nerds who were largely bookworms and uncomfortable talking to anyone other than a lab rat for an extended period of time.  On one of these occasions I launched a tampon out of my pocket and it landed directly in front of me.

Don’t ask.  You can read about it right here.

Since that fateful time in my life, I have noticed that I blush quite easily on occasion.  Or every occasion that looks like the following ten that I have listed below.  As a result, I try to avoid these situations, and it is not easy.  I’m currently working on not feeling embarrassed when I blush and instead making a clever comment about it, like “OMG I’m blushing right now.”

Okay.  I should work on my cleverness.

Anyway, here are the Top Ten Situations That Are Certain To Make Me Blush:

Launching a tampon out of my pocket in front of a large audience who is watching me make a speech.  That one was a giveaway.  But still, no less blush-worthy.

Running into someone who I haven’t seen in a long time.  Old childhood friends, high school buddies, old teachers, old bosses – if we have a history, and I see you on the street, please disregard my reaction.  Sometimes I wish I was a dog so when I see someone I know I’d just run around in circles and wag my tail, and you would say aw, how cute.  But instead I will stand there and stare at you with my uncomfortably red face and silently hope you won’t notice.  But of course you will, because hello.  It’s January and I look like I’ve got a sunburn.

Being surprised.  It’s the major reason why I hate surprise parties.  All the blood rushes to my face when I am surprised, and somehow the sweat that accompanies the heart palpitations that also happen turns into tears, so when you are jumping out from behind my couch and taking pictures of me at my surprise birthday party, I look like this:

I act just like this, except I'm not blonde, and not this tan.
Imagine her but paler and with a red face.
And brown hair.  And twenty more years. 


Getting pulled over.  Darn cops, giving me tickets AND making me blush.  I would’ve slowed down if I had known you would cause me to embarrass myself this way.

Meeting someone famous.  Blushing is the main reason why I avoid famous men like Christian Bale and Adam Levine.  You’re welcome, girlfriends and wives of famous men.  I’m sure they would fall in love with me if they got an eyeful of my charming crimson face.  And neck and chest as well, if I’m being honest.  This goes for women, too.  Stay away from me, Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton.

Meeting someone new.  Even if I’m anticipating the meeting.  No amount of preparing for a get-together can prevent a full-on blush from happening.  It’s the dog thing again, and it is out of control.

Having to talk in front of other people.  Sometimes, blushing in front of a crowd is accompanied by a stammer or inappropriate comment.  Or a tampon launching out of my pocket.  In this case of a trifecta of awkward absurdity, just sit back and enjoy the show.

Saying something controversial. You know those people who live for being contentious?  Yeah.  I’m not one of them.  But sometimes I do have ideas that are against the grain, and I take the beating of my heart and the shaking of my hands as signs that I should voice them.  Then, when they are roundly dismissed, I blush furiously as I wildly try to grab them back so I can stuff them down my throat.

Saying something embarrassing.  Someday I will refrain from telling people all about personal business that I shouldn’t.  But for now, it happens.  All the time. 

Being guilty. Really, in this case I deserve all the blushing my body can produce.

*******

GIF credit

This post inspired by:

Mama’s Losin’ It



Prompt #2: List of 10 things that will make you blush.


14 comments:

  1. omg, I blush all the time too! The embarrassment of the blush just causes more blushing - so inconvenient!

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    1. Yes! The anticipation that it is coming, the embarrassment of it actually happening... none of it is planned or welcome.

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  2. Fun post to read. So, we're all human! I especially like how described the "controversial comments." Oh... I would so feel that way, too.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, we are all human. Thank goodness. If I was the only one I think I'd never leave the house.

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  3. I know why we're friends now. I could have written this, except it would be about 10% less eloquent and even less funny.

    But that's ok, I'll run around you in circles wagging my tail.

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    1. Hee hee hee - twinsies!! Having the compulsion to wag and circle would be way more embarrassing than blushing. But more entertaining than blushing for everyone else, for obvious reasons.

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  4. Oh wait. I suck at math too. That was supposed to be 10% AS eloquent - as in only 10%. Not 10% LESS eloquent, as in 90%.

    Now I'm blushing.

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    1. Your original math makes sense to me. When you explained how it was wrong my brain turned inside out.

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  5. I love it! Nice of you to let wives and girlfriends of famous dudes sleep easier at night.

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    1. It's a public service that I've always done for free. I'm all about charity, really.

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  6. I am not a blusher...maybe there is something wrong with me.

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    1. You can thank your lucky stars for that. It's just one more thing I have to be neurotic about.

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  7. I will now never attempt to meet you in person. I'll just keep reading. Nice job as always, Andrea! Regards,

    Joe Zlomek, The Sanatoga Post

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    1. Thank you, Joe. Although it would be okay now that you know. Pointing and laughing are optional reactions.

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