Coming up with a list of ten things that would make me blush is easy. Making a list of only ten things that would make me blush is hard.
So I’m a blusher. It’s real, it’s involuntary, it’s unstoppable.
I noticed this phenomenon in my face about fifteen years ago, when I was in graduate school (yes, I said fifteen years ago. Contrary to my amazing youthfulness and vitality both in person and online, I am not twenty years old. Thank you for thinking it). We were
forced expected to regularly make
presentations in front of the class and groups of underclassmen for
professional development purposes and also I think to torture us psych nerds
who were largely bookworms and uncomfortable talking to anyone other than a lab
rat for an extended period of time. On one
of these occasions I launched a tampon out of my pocket and it landed directly
in front of me.
Don’t ask. You can read about it right here.
Since that fateful time in my life, I have noticed that I blush quite easily on occasion. Or every occasion that looks like the following ten that I have listed below. As a result, I try to avoid these situations, and it is not easy. I’m currently working on not feeling embarrassed when I blush and instead making a clever comment about it, like “OMG I’m blushing right now.”
Okay. I should work on my cleverness.
Anyway, here are the Top Ten Situations That Are Certain To Make Me Blush:
Launching a tampon out of my pocket in front of a large audience who is watching me make a speech. That one was a giveaway. But still, no less blush-worthy.
Being surprised. It’s the major reason why I hate surprise parties. All the blood rushes to my face when I am surprised, and somehow the sweat that accompanies the heart palpitations that also happen turns into tears, so when you are jumping out from behind my couch and taking pictures of me at my surprise birthday party, I look like this:
|I act just like this, except I'm not blonde, and not this tan. |
Imagine her but paler and with a red face.
And brown hair. And twenty more years.
Getting pulled over. Darn cops, giving me tickets AND making me blush. I would’ve slowed down if I had known you would cause me to embarrass myself this way.
Meeting someone famous. Blushing is the main reason why I avoid famous men like Christian Bale and Adam Levine. You’re welcome, girlfriends and wives of famous men. I’m sure they would fall in love with me if they got an eyeful of my charming crimson face. And neck and chest as well, if I’m being honest. This goes for women, too. Stay away from me, Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton.
Meeting someone new. Even if I’m anticipating the meeting. No amount of preparing for a get-together can prevent a full-on blush from happening. It’s the dog thing again, and it is out of control.
Having to talk in front of other people. Sometimes, blushing in front of a crowd is accompanied by a stammer or inappropriate comment. Or a tampon launching out of my pocket. In this case of a trifecta of awkward absurdity, just sit back and enjoy the show.
Saying something controversial. You know those people who live for being contentious? Yeah. I’m not one of them. But sometimes I do have ideas that are against the grain, and I take the beating of my heart and the shaking of my hands as signs that I should voice them. Then, when they are roundly dismissed, I blush furiously as I wildly try to grab them back so I can stuff them down my throat.
Saying something embarrassing. Someday I will refrain from telling people all about personal business that I shouldn’t. But for now, it happens. All the time.
Being guilty. Really, in this case I deserve all the blushing my body can produce.
This post inspired by: