Reflecting on past blog posts is like gazing in the mirror.
Sometimes it’s painful, but you just can’t look away.
This time last year on the blog I was all over the place. The month of April was a cornucopia of topics; looking back, the ideas were varied and I have to admit, vaguely interesting. One of these posts made it into my top five most read posts, which means that it probably included the words “Penis” or “Porn,” because as everybody knows most people visit the internet for one or both of those topics. Last April was obviously a rich time for me writing-wise despite last April being really busy in this house what with all the painting and redecorating we did that is still not finished.
In contrast, this April finds me idling in front of my computer daily, yet I can’t seem to produce much of anything except a few lame posts.
I call it “having writer’s block.” The rest of the world calls it “being lazy.”
Last April there were two posts about candy. OF COURSE, because April is Easter, and Easter is candy. If you’re new here, let me bring you up to speed by stating that candy is everything. Of course, now that I’ve spent most of my life eating it, my body has decided that it actually hates candy, so I have had to let up on the candy consumption. A LOT. I wrote one post about bringing my own candy into movie theaters even though I regard that behavior as an egregious sin, and one about eating all my children’s chocolate Easter bunny pops. Some things never change.
I wrote a post about feeling Mean, which was probably PMS-fueled, and thus should be struck because I hate that hormones make me do terrible things, except I posted my favorite picture of an elderly lady smiling and wearing a T-shirt that says “I HATE EVERYONE.” Which always makes me feel anything but Mean.
April included a post on reasons why people have children, the #2 most viewed post on the blog (#1 by a mile is Sock Bun Fun, which was one of my first ever posts, and incidentally the #1 article brought up if you Google "Sock Bun Fail." Yep. You read that right. I'm famous! Try it. Man, I wish I was famous for something else.) My number one reason for having children was so parents would have other people to do chores for them, people who don’t need to be paid. You might think this is child abuse or goes against child labor laws in our country, but I disagree. Children are made to work. Who else has hands small enough to fit into a toilet hole? Those things don’t clean themselves.
I wrote about the frustration with having bangs. Actually, this was an exercise in MS Paint that I feel came out pretty good. Sure, it took me three times as long to write this post as any other, but I was pretty pleased with it. Unlike my feelings about having bangs, which is why I no longer have any.
Two posts on TV shows; one about Mad Men. It’s my favorite show. It was last April as well, as I confessed to watching nothing but Mad Men for weeks until there were no more episodes to watch. That was a sad day indeed. The other was about how My Little Pony Friendship is Magic will be the end of me. This is a cartoon show which our daughter watched on a loop before school and after school endlessly for days. I’m not sure where she gets her obsessive-compulsive TV-viewing habits.
I talked more about parenting. One was a post on how my children drive me crazy when they go to bed, as it morphs into a last-ditch effort to get the last word, the last shred of attention, the last time-wasting activity in before lights out. I believe I used the term “wily, beastly beasties” to describe my kids. This year they go to bed a half-hour later than last year, and those mind games have all but stopped. I kind of miss those days in the way I miss high school. That is, I may reminisce, but there’s no way on earth I’d ever want to go back there again. The other post on parenting was about teaching children terrible habits like arm-farting and other inappropriate things. Let’s move along.
By far my favorite post last April was where I reveal a health diagnosis that has since guided the course of my life, which is that I have an anatomically short leg, or ASL for short. OK, it didn’t really alter the course of my life, but it did cause me to rethink my shoe wardrobe, which now has to include a heel lift, just like Tom Cruise.
Ahh, last April on the blog. It was marked by hilarity as well as meaningful pieces surely to be remembered for years to come.
Thank goodness, because this April, I am clearly NOT pulling my weight. On my own blog. Pathetic all around.
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