Ahhh, the crush. Liking someone so much that you find yourself thinking about them frequently, imagining that you’re together, or that you’re best friends, or even only that the feelings are mutual.
It’s a step down from how I feel about Chocolate, Frappuccino, and Paris.
The city, not Hilton.
Anyway, crushes are fun if you largely live in a fantasy world like I do. Years full of days speaking little to actual people will do that to a person. Add to that society’s infuriating insistence to only converse electronically has narrowed my contact most days to a few typed messages and pictures shared on Facebook.
Aaaand that sounds really pathetic.
So I may as well keep going.
So, crushes, I’ve had a few. Here I will focus on comedians, because comedy is the way to my heart. I’m not sure how my husband got in there, since he is kind of a straight man. But I digress.
My first comedic crush happened in college, and it happened to be David Letterman, what with his gap-toothed grin and combination of goofy and deadpan and the fact that he seemed to be confidently aware but not cocky about his gift of the funny. My crush on David could also be the result of my roommate and I coming home from late nights out to munch on convenience store nachos to try and ward off the inevitable hangover. Letterman, then in his late 40s, always topped off a good night. He was hilarious, a comfort, and to me, so much better than other men in their late 40s. Plus he was always sober and never hit on us once.
Then came Jennifer. Jennifer Aniston, while not a comedian, was the star of my favorite show and I loved her. I associate her with that first wonderful year of marriage when my husband and I would make dinner, fill up our plates, lay a blanket on the floor, and watch Friends repeats on TV while we ate. Jennifer’s comic timing always made me laugh and I wanted her hair, her wardrobe, her smile. Then she married Brad Pitt and I had dreams about how they were our best friends. Yes, I said dreams. That means more than one. Today she looks exactly how she did back then, and though I regard her fondly as I remember that sweet time where I crushed on her, I wonder if she might not be human.
Recently I adored Tina Fey. What other woman can write and star in her own Emmy-winning show, write a bestselling book, receive the Mark Twain award for Humor, and host the Oscars in just a few years? The girl is on fire. I watched her on SNL, then adored her on 30 Rock, inhaled her book, and laughed with her at the Oscars. This is a case in which my crush became too much for me to handle, as I stopped watching 30 Rock after a while. Too much, Tina, too much!
The list of comedians I have a crush on continues with pair of Jimmys Kimmel and Fallon, despite never having seen either one of their late-night shows. I crush on them from afar, because sometimes a crush can be so intense that you just can’t get too close, and I ignore them even though they are funny to me. Five minutes of these guys is really all I can take. Same type of thing I have going with Adam Levine, except he is not funny at all which makes him husband material and thus more dangerous.
Lastly, Sarah Silverman. She is a comedic crush who I have almost no knowledge of, except for the occasional video or sound bite. I never watched her show but I think she is hilarious. Here is the video that started it for me:
Check it around 12:30-12:45. I'm dying.
Really, when you manage to be more adorable than Katie Couric, you’re at maximum crush-worthy potential.
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