Monday, July 1, 2013

Just Good

Every day the tasks are the same.

Cook.

Clean.

Childcare.

So many times I feel taken advantage of.

Used.

Under-valued.

Unappreciated.

And that makes me feel bad.

Defeated.

Dejected.

Depressed.

I never desired the details of this life.  They were not my goals.  When I was young I didn’t say I will work toward a life of managing a household.

I watched a scene in a movie where two moms had a conversation about working outside of the home when their kids got older.  One mom said “I’m just good at this.”  She meant that she was good at being a mom, probably better at that than anything else.  She wasn’t interested in doing anything else.

I thought that was a simple way to view a life.  She wasn’t ashamed; she didn’t feel bad about it.  She didn’t care what anyone else thought about it.  She knew she was a good mom, and she owned it.  I admired her.

But I didn’t want that life.

Somehow I got that life.

There are moments when I feel that I am wasting my life – being just a mom.  And I remember my past work life, however brief.

I am vastly better at being a mom than whatever I was in my past work life.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been doing this longer than I did anything else.  Maybe it’s because I’m older, smarter, and better at everything now than when I was younger.

I still admire that mom in the movie.

And sometimes, when I stop wasting moments of my life feeling depressed, dejected, under-appreciated, and under-valued, I own being a mom and can admit that I’m just good at it, too.


Because I really just am.

*******


14 comments:

  1. I remember that scene from Parenthood. Congratulations for seeing that you are good at what you do. Your kids have a mom that can help on field trips, attend sporting events, and all the school shows. I didn't have that and wish that I had.

    I'm sorry you are feeling under-appreciated. It was very courageous of you to admit that you feel that way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I have a hard time being thankful in general and that's never a good thing. Sometimes I just need to give myself a dose of reality/little kick in the pants, you know?

      Delete
  2. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I spent so much more time regretting (emotionally eating) and escaping than I do embracing my life as a mom. I confess that I was a little bit better at not escaping before I started writing a blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's sometimes a daily battle here. I escape by hiding, mostly.

      Delete
  3. I think the feelings of self-doubt, guilt, under appreciated, etc. are part of the mom job description, no matter what kind of mom you are - at home, at work, where and whatever. It's like we are programmed to believe that no matter what we do for our children, we should or could be doing it better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you! I think it's because we love them so much. We can't do enough to show it, so the only thing left to do is feel guilty about that.

      Delete
  4. There isn't a Mom out there who would disagree with you on this (at least none that I know). LOVING your blog, Andrea!!

    BTW - Can I post a link to you on my FreeStyle Friday post? I know my readers would love your voice!

    Susan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Susan! Sometimes we need to encourage each other that we are all in good company. I need that, anyway.

      I would LOVE to be linked to your blog! Thank YOU!!

      Delete
  5. I think every mom, whether they work full time, part time, or not at all, struggles with whether they made the right choice (although sometimes it's not really a choice and you just have to do what you have to do to keep your family afloat!). I question it every day! I often wish I could be a SAHM and feel like I'm failing my son by sending him to daycare. On the other hand, he has a great time at daycare and learns so much, and we need the money from my job...and I can't say for certain that I wouldn't go nuts being a SAHM anyway! So I just have to go with it and trust that everything is working out and both my son and I will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're exactly right. We are all just trying to do the best we can for our family. It's the oldest story out there, but one that is important, and one all mothers share. Thanks for your perspective!

      Delete
  6. From a Dad's point of view, I can tell you I have felt the same at times until I realize I'm totally awesome, or at least my kids think I am, and that's all I need to recognize the most important job I do is trying to raise my kids and if I can be good at that, than I'm on the upside.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awesome. Thanks for your perspective. I don't know too many dads who would say what you have here. Who knew that one of the hardest things about raising kids would be giving ourselves credit for being good at raising kids?

      Delete
  7. I think that's an awesome thing to own. For awhile I was very dejected about my job and wanting something different, but then I realized that I'm really good at what I do. It may not be my "dream" job (whatever that means), but I'm good at it, and that means something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! It's all in our perspective. Good for you for achieving that. :)

      Delete