You don’t have to be an internet genius to know that people like
food. But when you’re in the mood for
something scrumptious, online really is the place to go. Pinterest literally has zillions of recipes
for delicious foods that one person has made and that no one else can
reproduce. Your Facebook friends probably post so many recipes for cheesy broccoli/potato/cauliflower/carrot casserole that
you could make one every day for five years and never have a repeat. It’s recipe madness out
there, people. Get into it.
I’d like to share a tasty treat I’ve been
feeding my family lately. I have
perfected it, and maybe with few mishaps, you can too! You don't have to be a gourmet chef to make it, either. Believe me. BELIEVE.
Here we go:
Outrageous Hot Dog Bun Garlic Toast
You will need:
An adorable assistant to help. Cooking's hard, ya'll. |
Hot dog buns, any quantity. Thaw out the ones that have been sitting in your
freezer since that one time you overbought for a picnic. You need the space, and in a few months those
buns will develop the taste of freezer burn, and freezer burn is totally gross.
Garlic salt, or a combination of garlic powder and regular
salt, if you ran out of garlic salt from the time you attempted to make
spaghetti sauce from scratch. The
kitchen is no place to be rigid.
Butter. Or margarine,
or even Olivio, which OMG tastes just like margarine.
Green sprinkles. You
know – parsley, Italian seasoning, oregano.
The kind that come in a jar.
Stop trying to be fancy, Fancy.
Parmesan cheese.
Again, in a jar. You buy it in the spaghetti sauce aisle. Hey, Queen Elizabeth. You’re making garlic toast using HOT DOG
BUNS. Get off your throne and join
reality. While you're at it, get me a glass of wine from that box over there.
Shredded mozzarella cheese.
From a bag. If you say anything
about fresh mozzarella we are no longer friends.
Ingredients! Yep, that's all the butter we have. But don't worry; we also have Olivio. |
That’s it, mmkay? So
you’ve got your ingredients. Next, here’s
what you do:
Open up the hot dog buns.
If you’re lucky you will have the good potato rolls that are pre-sliced
so you don’t have to dirty a knife. If
you’ve bought unsliced hot dog buns from the bakery, go get your
probably gold-encrusted serrated-edge bread knife to slice them. Who are you - Beyonce? I’m rolling my eyes as I wait for you to cut your chichi buns. Hurry up; you’re
taking too long! Spread the insides with butter or butter substitute using a knife or the back of a spoon. If you want to lick the excess off, do it. This isn’t Top Chef, people – there's no judging.
Open the buns! |
Butter the buns! |
Sprinkle the buttered insides with the garlic salt, then the
green sprinkles that you’ve picked out.
Use a light sprinkle – nobody likes too much dried seasoning, and these
spices will not have enough cooking time for their flavors to open up and meld
together. I love the world meld – it’s
like melt and weld, which is exactly how I picture the process happening.
Sprinkles! |
Sprinkle with parmesan cheese, and then a light coat of
shredded mozzarella. Take a pinch for
yourself because shredded cheese out of the bag is the diggity.
Cheesy! |
*Note: You can sweep any extra cheese and
sprinkles off the counter to use as additional topping for the buns. Your counters are clean, right? Oh well.
Do it anyway. No one will notice
the crumbs from the four Mint Milano cookies you stuffed in your face this morning.
Ready for toasting! |
Place the buns on a cookie sheet lined with foil so you don’t
have to wash it later, fool! If you’re
only making one or two buns, you can just fold up a piece of foil into a little
foil plate and place the bun on top of this.
Make sure your foil is flat so it doesn’t catch your oven, then your hair,
then your kitchen, on fire. Insurance doesn’t cover stupidity. Oh, it does? My bad.
Foil is also useful when making Halloween costumes. Anyone can be a robot! Crafty! |
Pop those bad boys in the oven on the highest rack under the broiler set to HI. Not LO,
unless you like waiting for your food, which is for jerks.
Don't be a jerk. Turn that sucker on HI. |
Broiley! |
Now, the most important part. Watch those buns like you did Channing Tatum’s
in that one part on Magic Mike. You know
the one I mean. Do not take your eyes
off these buns for anything. I don’t
care if your older child locked your younger one in the toy box again. Ignore the pleas for help. The second you take your eyes away from those
buns, they will burn up and you will have to start over and you will hate
yourself for being such a slacker. It will take under 5 minutes for
the cheese to melt and the edges to brown. Your child can stand a confined space for 5 minutes, for goodness' sake. She probably won't even remember, but you will when you have to repeat this whole process because you failed to watch the buns like I told you. Take them out! TAKE THEM OUT!
A meal made for a princess. A sneaky princess who pours herself large glasses of Diet Pepsi while her mother takes pictures of her lunch for blog posts. |
Enjoy. Your labor was worth it, and look – only three more packages of hot dog buns to use up.
Delicious! |
Really? Three MORE packages? My stomach hurts. |
It was your snappy assistant that sold me...lunch anyone?
ReplyDeleteShe was good for the buttering and cheesing and soda pouring, but not for the sprinkling. She thought that step was best left to the professionals. A word to the wise.
DeleteBEST. RECIPE. EVER.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It's not triple coconut muffins, but I'm working myself up to it.
DeleteThis is the most realistically written (and hilarious) recipe I've ever read. I think I've laughed enough to burn off all the delicious calories!
ReplyDeleteThank you. :) I think laughing should accompany eating at all times. Except if you snort drinks through your nose. Not funny.
DeleteFantastic and oh so true - love it! I knew I liked you...I eat cheese melted on whatever bread is left around the house all the time. Really. All. The. Time.
ReplyDeleteYour assistant is the bomb - and tell her I would've sneaked the Diet Pepsi, too. :)
I will tell her that - thank you. And a praise coming from a cuisine expert like yourself goes a long way for me, who tends to make a lot of food like the kind I've described here. :)
DeleteFunniest recipe ever! I absolutely have a pack of hot dog buns in my freezer right now...and I always have green sprinkles in the cabinet...hmmm.
ReplyDeleteDO IT! You won't be disappointed. Be sure to follow the "watch the buns" part exactly as outlined above. We've eaten a lot of blackened garlic toast because I failed to heed my own instructions. Good luck!
Delete20150523wengdongdong
ReplyDeleteoakley sunglasses outlet
louis vuitton handbags
coach outlet store online
pandora charms
copy watches
coach outlet
prada outlet
fendi outlet
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
jordan concords
michael kors
lebron james shoes 2015
adidas shoes
jordan 6
ray ban wayfarer
timberland boots
ray bans
adidas outlet store
coach outlet store online
cheap toms
louis vuitton
juicy couture
ray ban glasses
gucci
jordan shoes
louis vuitton
christian louboutin
gucci outlet
louis vuitton handbags
tods outlet
oakley sunglasses
michael kors
20150523wengdongdong
ReplyDeleteoakley sunglass
michael kors purse
louis vuitton handbags
michael kors outlet
burberry outlet
christian louboutin
coach factorty outlet
coach factory outlet online
kate spade handbags
kobe shoes
hollister
christian louboutin
coach factory outlet
burberry outlet
abercrombie fitch
christian louboutin outlet
louis vuitton handbags
tods shoes
hollister co
gucci shoes
lebron james shoes
hogan shoes
michael kors
hollister kids
mont blanc
louis vuitton outlet stores
cheap lululemon
hollister
ghd hair strighteners
chanel handbags
coach outlet
p90x workouts
football jerseys
fans cheap barbour jackets north face jackets nike michael kors as hermes birkin beats by dr dre michael kors canada michael kors outlet online as michael kors outlet polo ralph lauren omega converse Mr. ray ban sunglasses giuseppe zanotti abercrombie.com nike running Jones. ferragamo shoes michael kors glasses online tommy hilfiger canada Paul nike roshe christian louboutin adidas oakley sunglasses cheap worked uggs outlet michael kors uggs outlet omega watches full burberry new balance timberland outlet north face outlet time adidas superstar michael kors outlet online michael kors bags abercrombie with hermes birkin nike free replica watches true religion outlet many polo ralph lauren outlet tory burch sandals bebe dresses michael kors international horloges nike factory store burberry polo ralph bands rolex watches for sale oakley sunglasses cheap
ReplyDelete