Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Holy Crap

So Thanksgiving’s tomorrow, and everyone’s excited about feeding their faces and eating the heck out of a turkey and some stuffing, because on this special day, gluttony is acceptable.

Except in my world.  Here in Andrealand, gluttony has been acceptable for a few weeks now. 

Seriously.   The day it got a little chilly and I put on some blue jeans, I announced that sugar, bread, booze, and sodium were the new main food groups.

And since then I've gained like 800 pounds.

Now obviously, I’m exaggerating.  A person cannot gain 800 pounds in a few weeks.  But I have to admit that at the rate I’m going, it’s like I’m trying.

I’m not sure what changed exactly, but it’s like a little switch in my brain flipped and at mealtimes instead of warning “Alert!  You are full!  NO MORE EATING!” it crooned in my ear, all silky smooth and seductive-like, “Hey girl.  Everyone loves a healthy booty now.  Have another cinnamon roll.”

Every.  Time.


But you guys.  I hit the wall.  None of my clothes fit anymore.  Well, okay, I’m not exactly going around in the nude.  But if you look closely, elastic and lycra feature heavily in all my wardrobe choices.  At least three people I know are doing or have just finished a detox/dietary cleanse.  I never knew so many at once to do this before, when I had a handle on things.  Someone is telling me something.  Maybe God is saying “Okay, Andrea, you’ve shown me that you’re thankful for all the food I’ve provided.  It’s time to settle down.”  It’s a wonder that I heard anything over the chomping.

And I have to admit, I’m not altogether thankful that this is all going down the week of the biggest eating tradition in the history of our noble country.

But this Thanksgiving, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say: ENOUGH.  I can’t keep going in this direction.  I feel terrible.  My body hates me.

So I’ve decided to cut back a little.  I’m getting a head start on my springtime health kick.  I’m doing my New Year’s resolution to be more mindful of what goes in my mouth a little early this year. 

I feel good about it.  I hope my body responds in rapid succession, because cutting back on eating during the holidays is a Capital S Stupid idea.  But I can do it.  Heck, I’ve even been known to do a cleanse once upon a time.  That was fun.

So wish me luck and shoot me a prayer or two, if you’re that type of person who prays for another to be less of a hog.  I’m totally thankful for it.

*******

22 comments:

  1. Good luck! (In the most sincere, non-sarcastic way, I mean.) I have a hard time with that at the best of times and the holidays would be a tough time to start cutting back. Wishing you willpower!!

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    1. Thanks so much! My will is strong, but my body... well, you know the rest.

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  2. Oh my. When it starts to get cold I usually get on board with EAT ALL THE THINGS! I call it putting on my winter layers. All my cold weather clothes are a size bigger than my summer clothes. Healthy? Probably not. Consistent? Definitely. I applaud your cutting back during the holidays, because it's hard enough the rest of the year. During mashed potatoes month, though? You must have super willpower. Good for you!

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    1. Ha! I call it the winter layer too. I am still deciding if this is a feasible thing to do during mashed potato month. Which is totally a thing.

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  3. My husband did this last year at this time and lost like 10 pounds. Men.

    Good luck chicky!

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    1. He probably cut one thing out of his diet, like having a can of soda a day or something. Meanwhile, I'm eating salad and berries and practically beating the weight off my body and it's still not happening.

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  4. I think it's because it's winter. When the cold hits you feel like you need a little extra padding. It's basically a survival instinct.

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    1. It really is. It's a medical fact that we gain weight in the winter. At least that's what my medical records indicate.

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  5. Cutting down is infinitely better than just giving it all up. Totally doable. You go, girl!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement. So far I'm staying away from the sugar which is key. If only I could stay away from the cheese, the potatoes, the wine, the butter...

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  6. giggling.

    Oh girl . . . good luck!

    PS (with I could pig out in heavy moderation with you)

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    1. I wish you could, too! We could giggle together and fix each other another plate.

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  7. I know what you mean about clothes not fitting. It is so frustrating. I refuse to spend money on what I hope to be a temporary size.

    I actually had been doing quite well, but in the last week I've gained nearly 3 pounds. Dang! Now with the holidays on us, it isn't a good omen for things to come. I need to adopt your same resolve.

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    1. There is strength in numbers, you know. Or at least in the knowledge that misery loves company. I also refuse to buy new clothes.

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  8. Cold weather does that to me. It's like, hey...eat extra food at each meal and you'll be warmer in no time. But don't worry, I won't be doing a cleanse anytime soon.

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    1. A cleanse is hard at any time, but at the holidays it's just cruel.

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  9. Ah, yes, the meal that lasts from Halloween through New Year's...tough for us all! Your approach is great - cutting back is so much more sane than trying to go on a crazy full blown diet. Especially at this time of year! Sometimes all it takes is one small change - my mom recently dropped about ten pounds in a few weeks just by cutting out snacking between meals. Proof that it can be done! You go!

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    1. Thanks! That does give me hope. All I want for Christmas is to be able to breathe while wearing pants.

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  10. I am going through the same thing. I am 10 pounds heavier than I was this time last year, and then I trained for a half marathon all winter. As soon as I wasn't running 20+ miles a week, it all came back and then some. I feel like a sloth.

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    1. Yeah, me too. The problem is that I do a little exercise every single day. My eating habits are just too much for the activity to ward off the pounds.

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  11. I have been really trying to be aware of what I am eating, but I go through times when I just relax - and then have to put the brakes on and say "back to the drawing board!" because it sneaks up on me. I totally get this.

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    1. Yeah, I give myself a little leeway, and then it's like letting a kid loose in a candy store. In my case I could be speaking literally.

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