Holy Crap

So Thanksgiving’s tomorrow, and everyone’s excited about feeding their faces and eating the heck out of a turkey and some stuffing, because on this special day, gluttony is acceptable.

Except in my world.  Here in Andrealand, gluttony has been acceptable for a few weeks now. 

Seriously.   The day it got a little chilly and I put on some blue jeans, I announced that sugar, bread, booze, and sodium were the new main food groups.

And since then I've gained like 800 pounds.

Now obviously, I’m exaggerating.  A person cannot gain 800 pounds in a few weeks.  But I have to admit that at the rate I’m going, it’s like I’m trying.

I’m not sure what changed exactly, but it’s like a little switch in my brain flipped and at mealtimes instead of warning “Alert!  You are full!  NO MORE EATING!” it crooned in my ear, all silky smooth and seductive-like, “Hey girl.  Everyone loves a healthy booty now.  Have another cinnamon roll.”

Every.  Time.

But you guys.  I hit the wall.  None of my clothes fit anymore.  Well, okay, I’m not exactly going around in the nude.  But if you look closely, elastic and lycra feature heavily in all my wardrobe choices.  At least three people I know are doing or have just finished a detox/dietary cleanse.  I never knew so many at once to do this before, when I had a handle on things.  Someone is telling me something.  Maybe God is saying “Okay, Andrea, you’ve shown me that you’re thankful for all the food I’ve provided.  It’s time to settle down.”  It’s a wonder that I heard anything over the chomping.

And I have to admit, I’m not altogether thankful that this is all going down the week of the biggest eating tradition in the history of our noble country.

But this Thanksgiving, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say: ENOUGH.  I can’t keep going in this direction.  I feel terrible.  My body hates me.

So I’ve decided to cut back a little.  I’m getting a head start on my springtime health kick.  I’m doing my New Year’s resolution to be more mindful of what goes in my mouth a little early this year. 

I feel good about it.  I hope my body responds in rapid succession, because cutting back on eating during the holidays is a Capital S Stupid idea.  But I can do it.  Heck, I’ve even been known to do a cleanse once upon a time.  That was fun.

So wish me luck and shoot me a prayer or two, if you’re that type of person who prays for another to be less of a hog.  I’m totally thankful for it.

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