Wednesday, February 26, 2014

At A Loss

I’ve been busy doing these days, and I haven’t had time to think.

I hate that.

Thinking is my jam.  I can think a morning away and sometimes, sometimes, I will write out those thoughts for you fine people to read.

But recently, I haven’t been thinking about anything.

And I’m at a loss for what to write about.

Should I write about how I spent the last few mornings watching saved episodes of Girls and Downton Abbey, and that I’m planning on doing the same with Shameless and Parenthood later today and this week?  Should I write about how I really love having a cat around to warm my lap when I am still, even though he only did that once, and all the other times that I stroke his fur he rears back and bites my hand?  Should I write about how we went to a basketball game and my kids got on the Jumbotron and that my girlfriend and I sat in our seats and shared what we saw on our phones and laughed and talked instead of really watch the game except to yell “C’MON, MAN!” when the players missed their free throws and cheer when they made them?  And that our kids have all the teeth appointments this week and if I’m not picking them up from school every day, I’m dropping them off early for something or taking them later?  How about that my husband and I were on a 10-day detox cleanse and I bailed out early because I didn’t feel good?  What about the fact that not only am I tired with winter, I’m tired of everybody talking about how they are tired with winter?  Should I write about how I got my hair done for the first time in three months and It. Was. Heaven?

Busynesss begets doing and little to no thinking.  Busyness reminds me of the olden days that were filled with activities instead of thinking.  And when I think of the olden days, I think of when the kids were little and I was younger, and when I think about that, I get a little wistful and I miss them, and I miss me.  And I don’t want to miss their littleness and my youngness.  I want to love their tween- and teen-ness, and my 40-ness.  And to tell you the truth, the olden days around here weren’t really all that worthy of wistfulness.

So it’s okay.  Even a thinker needs rest from thinking now and then.  Even if the rest means that you’re watching TV in the morning instead of thinking and writing, which would normally bring crushing guilt with a side of self-loathing.  Even if the rest means that you are saving your energy for the hours ahead that you will be running and doing.

So I’m going to enjoy that rest.


Isn’t it cute how I labeled myself a thinker?

*******


14 comments:

  1. I agree. Enjoy your rest. Sometimes brains need a break too.

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    1. Thanks Jennifer! It really does feel good to get caught up on TV watching, no matter how lame that sounds.

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  2. I am commenting on your post and the above reply comment...it never sounds lame to enjoy getting caught up on TV. :) I am feeling a lot like you these days. It's good to not think so much sometimes.

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    1. Thanks for being with me on the TV thing. Honestly, it feels so good to throw the deep thoughts out the window and curl up with the DVR, doesn't it?

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  3. Definitely enjoy that rest.
    I want to love the now-ness but I often look forward and back.
    And Parenthood!? My husband will be away tomorrow night so I'm going to snuggle under a blanket with Ben & Jerry's and watch it when the kids are in bed.

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    1. That sounds like heaven to me. These days my kids go to bed when I do, so I have to sneak in my TV watching during the day. Enjoy!

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  4. Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I stopped thinking at 9pm and just sat down to read and watch TV. It was glorious. :)

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    1. It IS glorious. Shutting down is a good feeling.

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  5. Sometimes you have to let your brain rest. I have a pretty bad habit of living in my own mind too much, and when I do it exclusively, my whole life suffers (eventually). Rest. Watch tv. Heck, take a nap maybe. That sounds amazing to me.

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    1. I'm so glad you can also relate, MJ! The best part about taking a break from my head is that I don't even feel one bit guilty about watching TV during the day, which is like the biggest stereotype of stay-at-home moms, and something that I hardly ever do.

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  6. I've gotten to the point where it's hard for me to do only one thing at a time. Rather than watching and fully enjoying a show, I'm on the computer or stretching or doing dishes. What ever happened to just being?

    I so get your need to have time to just think. Lately, even when I could have fought for those needed moments, I've instead wasted the time surfing to one last webpage or making last minute tweaks to a blog post that was more than good enough.

    I too need a good rest.

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    1. It sure sounds like you need a rest! Do it. You won't be sorry.

      I am the world's worst multitasker. I just can't do two things at once. Well, I can, but neither one is done well.

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  7. FTR, I am tired of winter and everyone talking about being tired of winter too. Sometimes it's okay to let our brains Rest. :)

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