You guys. I hit the wall.
Maybe it’s the winter blues, caused by all the snow DEAR GOD, ALL THE SNOW. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s because I never leave the house because the people here, they need me.
In this house I’m the touchstone, the one who knows all. The general, the one who barks orders and commands, the end all and be all to their litany of needs and inquiries.
I’ve written before about being bombarded with questions. My husband, The Inquisitor, can drive me to near lunacy with his conversational style that is comprised solely of questions. What are you doing? What are your plans? What are the kids doing? What are their plans? What is everyone in the world doing? What are their plans?
My response to all the needs borders on the terse “I don’t know” to the lengthy lecture. Yesterday was a time for the latter, as I dove into a tirade in the car on the way to church (because really, there is no better time to unload all your annoyances than on the way to a place of worship – leave your baggage in the car and heaped onto your family member’s heads is my motto) about how I’m done. Done with being the nag. Done with reminding people to practice basic hygiene. Done with answering questions that people can answer themselves. Done with telling children to do their homework, eat healthy snacks, put their clean clothes away, wear a coat outside because it’s winter for the love of everything holy, do you not see the six-foot piles of snow EVERYWHERE?!?!?
I am done with Being Mommy.
Yeah. It was not one of the nicest things I’ve ever said.
And it’s ridiculous. This is the role I have assumed. My children will look to me for guidance and for the answers to the questions of life until the day I enter heaven. They will wait for me to tell them to do things like take a shower and hang their coats up until they leave this house. They will ask
What is there to eat?
What do I wear for practice?
What time are we leaving?
How long is this going to take?
Can you get me a glass?
Can you get me a plate?
Can you get me a fork?
Can you throw this away?
Do I have to take out the garbage today?
Can I have a friend over?
Are you going to bed?
Do I have to go to bed?
What are we having for dinner?
Do we have any milk?
Where is my shirt?
Can you wake me up?
Do I have to go?
Can you help me with this?
Can you do this for me?
Should I wear long sleeves or short sleeves?
until they are gone.
And then I will be here. By myself.
I don’t know that I want to think about that.