Monday, August 25, 2014

Summer by the Numbers

It’s such a joke that summer is comprised of the months June, July, and August.  That’s 92 days, people.

It’s not that long.  School goes until the middle of June and starts today, the beginning of the last week of August, a full week before the unofficial end of summer, which adds up to about ten weeks of summer.  That’s 72 days.

I don’t know about you, but I could have used those three extra weeks.

We never feel like we get to all the stuff we say we’re going to, never get to live up to the hopes and dreams of all that summer promises.  My kids end every summer by telling me all the things we said we’d do but didn’t get to.

My kids are insistent on keeping me accountable.  It’s maddening.

We did a lot this summer! I chirp, trying to keep their dwindling spirits alive as they morosely pack their backpacks to the brim with pens and highlighters and composition books and 2-inch binders full of loose-leaf that they will bring home unused next June.

(Dear teachers:  My kids need a notebook and a folder and a couple of pencils to survive in school.  The myriad binders and hole reinforcements and colored pencils bog them down and confuse us all.  Simplicity.  Please.)

Before I usher them out the door on the first day of school, before taking pictures of their smiling, tanned faces, freshly brushed and scrubbed today for the last time all school year because they will from this day forward be too tired and overwhelmed to get themselves wholly ready for school without missing some critical part of daily hygiene, I remind them how we spent each second of the summer.

Time spent watching YouTube videos: 104 hours
Time spent crafting and playing video games: 90 hours

Time spent fighting and arguing: 59 hours
Total time spent peeling sunburned skin: 3 hours
Time spent watching re-runs of TV shows we’ve seen before: 127 hours

Time spent watching TV shows we’ve never seen before: 4 hours
Hamburgers eaten: 47

Pop-Tarts eaten: 75
Bags of Twizzlers eaten: 8
Amount of beer and wine and soda consumed: unknown
Pounds lost/gained: 7/7
Days on vacation/camp: 31

Time spent doing vacation/camp laundry: 4 days
Pieces of luggage irretrievably marred by stench of vacation/camp laundry: 1
Bathing suits lost: 0 (win!)
Beach towels gained: 1 (win!)
Pairs of flip-flops broken: 3
Baseball games watched or participated in: 20,000,000

Times golfed: 20
Times mowed the lawn: 12
Time spent mowing the lawn: 9 hours
Time spent talking/whining about having to mow the lawn: 24 hours

Times affected by poison ivy: 2
Time spent talking/whining about having poison ivy: 24 hours
People shown poison ivy rash to: 100
Money spent on poison ivy remedies: $104
Incidences of rage/insomnia/acne brought on by steroid remedy for poison ivy: 12
Times promised we’d do the local river float: 12
Times doing local river float: 0
Books read: 20
Times mom patted herself on the back for ensuring kids did all their summer reading required for school: 15 and counting
Activities squeezed into last week of summer vacation: 3

Hours spent being cranky about last week of summer being so chaotic: 15
Kids going to school: 2
Husbands going to work: 1
Person wishing she had three more weeks of summer: 1



  1. Your summer sounds a lot like my summer - but substitute frisbee for golfing and wisdom teeth removal for poison ivy.
    I hope your back to school goes smoothly!

    1. Ugh! A wisdom teeth operation in the summer is awful. I think things like surgery and allergic reactions are nasty ways of keeping us from enjoying life too much. Back to school smoothie thoughts to you, too!

  2. I wish I had three more weeks too! I live in Georgia - my kids were back on the 7th!!! I still can't believe it. It was in the upper 90s this weekend and my Fall issue of Southern Living Arrived in the mail. It just wasn't right.

    1. That's not right at all. August 7th is so early! Our community pool is open until Labor Day. When it's 90 we should be swimming! And sleeping in. And drinking margaritas by the pool.

  3. When you said 20 books read, and kids' summer reading projects done... You just became my hero. I want to be a good mom like you when I grow up.

    I too hate the end of summer...I think we should all boycott until after labor day.

    AND, sidenote... my boy thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with yours at camp, and has been having fun connecting since. It makes me smile. :)

    1. Wellll, between all of us we read 20 books. Some read more than others. And summer projects were things like "write blogposts about books you read" so you know I was on that, and "read two books," which was sort of easy.

      Yes, I was excited about our kids spending time together, too! So glad they reconnected. :)

  4. See I only ate 45 hamburgers this summer!
    And I only broke one pair of flip flops but it was done in a spectacular fashion - while photographing a wedding filled with people I didn't know. So I had to hobble around for most of that.

    1. Oh, no! There's nothing worse than a broken flip flop, and especially when you can't do anything about it - nothing you can do but hobble away! I've had to sneak barefoot into a Walmart when it happened to me.

  5. Aw, I am so sorry about the poison ivy but ONE EXTRA BEACH TOWEL!

    1. Thanks, yes. And the beach towel was actually a reclaimed one. We were at a friend's house and our son was like, "Wait a minute. Isn't this ours?" I hadn't seen it in years.

  6. Sounds like a pretty dang good summer!

  7. I think that estimate of "hours spent fighting/arguing" is a little low.

    Summer is over? BOO! But you looked awesome this summer, all of you did.


    1. Thanks, Kir! I still can't believe it's over. Boo to the hoo. :)

  8. Great. Now I REALLY want a burger.

  9. This is a great summer wrap - fascinating to look at it all that way, isn't it?
    Aaaaand....I really want a burger now.

  10. I had the +1 towel thing to me happen a couple of summers ago. that was so awesome! Sounds like your summer was pretty great too!

    1. I love finding things that are useful! But it was a towel that we had lost. Note that I didn't realize we had lost it in the first place.

  11. Sigh. This made me giggle. Especially the 20,000,000 baseball games. :-)