It’s such a joke that summer is comprised of the months June, July, and August. That’s 92 days, people.
It’s not that long. School goes until the middle of June and starts today, the beginning of the last week of August, a full week before the unofficial end of summer, which adds up to about ten weeks of summer. That’s 72 days.
I don’t know about you, but I could have used those three extra weeks.
We never feel like we get to all the stuff we say we’re going to, never get to live up to the hopes and dreams of all that summer promises. My kids end every summer by telling me all the things we said we’d do but didn’t get to.
My kids are insistent on keeping me accountable. It’s maddening.
We did a lot this summer! I chirp, trying to keep their dwindling spirits alive as they morosely pack their backpacks to the brim with pens and highlighters and composition books and 2-inch binders full of loose-leaf that they will bring home unused next June.
(Dear teachers: My kids need a notebook and a folder and a couple of pencils to survive in school. The myriad binders and hole reinforcements and colored pencils bog them down and confuse us all. Simplicity. Please.)
Before I usher them out the door on the first day of school, before taking pictures of their smiling, tanned faces, freshly brushed and scrubbed today for the last time all school year because they will from this day forward be too tired and overwhelmed to get themselves wholly ready for school without missing some critical part of daily hygiene, I remind them how we spent each second of the summer.
Time spent watching YouTube videos: 104 hours
Time spent crafting and playing video games: 90 hours
Time spent fighting and arguing: 59 hours
Total time spent peeling sunburned skin: 3 hours
Time spent watching re-runs of TV shows we’ve seen before: 127 hours
Time spent watching TV shows we’ve never seen before: 4 hours
Hamburgers eaten: 47
Pop-Tarts eaten: 75
Bags of Twizzlers eaten: 8
Amount of beer and wine and soda consumed: unknown
Pounds lost/gained: 7/7
Days on vacation/camp: 31
Time spent doing vacation/camp laundry: 4 days
Pieces of luggage irretrievably marred by stench of vacation/camp laundry: 1
Bathing suits lost: 0 (win!)
Beach towels gained: 1 (win!)
Pairs of flip-flops broken: 3
Baseball games watched or participated in: 20,000,000
Times golfed: 20
Times mowed the lawn: 12
Time spent mowing the lawn: 9 hours
Time spent talking/whining about having to mow the lawn: 24 hours
Times affected by poison ivy: 2
Time spent talking/whining about having poison ivy: 24 hours
People shown poison ivy rash to: 100
Money spent on poison ivy remedies: $104
Incidences of rage/insomnia/acne brought on by steroid remedy for poison ivy: 12
Times promised we’d do the local river float: 12
Times doing local river float: 0
Books read: 20
Times mom patted herself on the back for ensuring kids did all their summer reading required for school: 15 and counting
Activities squeezed into last week of summer vacation: 3
Hours spent being cranky about last week of summer being so chaotic: 15
Kids going to school: 2
Husbands going to work: 1
Person wishing she had three more weeks of summer: 1