I was given a review copy of Get the Behavior You Want… Without Being the Parent You Hate! for the purpose of this review. I was not compensated in any other way for this post; all opinions and words are my own.
*******
The
day I realized that parents need to take the responsibility to parent
themselves first was the day this whole parenting thing made sense to me.
I
was at home with a toilet-training child.
There were accidents, endless loads of laundry, spot-cleaning on every
surface, and more than a few tears. I
was at wits’ end, and I did what any self-respecting parent would do – I called
my mother.
My
mom is nothing if not a hard truth-teller.
Her ability to use perfect common sense in every situation astounds
me. This time was no exception. “To train a child to do anything, you have to
train yourself first,” she said. Dense
as I am, I didn’t understand. “What do you mean?” I squeaked.
“You need to take your kid to the bathroom! Train
yourself to stop what you’re doing
consistently throughout the day – every half-hour if you have to – over and over
and over, to help your child practice!!” She replied exasperatedly. How did I raise such a stupid person? I
imagined her thinking.
Our
two-year-old was toilet-trained in a weekend.
Before
my kids were born, and throughout the first year of their lives, I read
parenting books. Well, baby how-to
books, really. DIY parenting. How to know if a fever is doctor-worthy, what
sorts of reactions are normal after immunizations, how much sleep a child needs
through stages of development. I browsed
baby development websites to know what to expect, and even read humor books
about the ups and downs of being a mom to remind me that I wasn’t crazy, failing
miserably, or both.
Then
life got real, and I stopped reading books and spent more time learning from my
children, other moms, my own mother, my mother-in-law, our grandmothers, aunts,
and really any female that I saw toting a child around. I parented on the fly, and cobbled together
tips and tricks that I learned to get through especially tough times.
Over
time, my husband and I developed our own brand of child-rearing, one that mostly works
in our house with our particular family configuration and growing and
changing individual personalities. We’ve succeeded and failed many times
over. We can always use improvement.
I
haven’t read a parenting book in years. Until now.
Dr. Deborah Gilboa’s Get the Behavior You Want… Without Being the Parent You Hate! is
a book of how-tos, a guide for what-to-dos, and a reference for tackling just
about any behavior and situation a parent faces with their kids at home on a daily
basis.
From
the beginning, Dr. G speaks the truth that we are all parenting experts on the
kids in our homes. She reveals that, as
a family doctor, her experience is that everyone struggles with parenting. This last fact is incredibly comforting to me;
although I might be an expert on my kids, there are definitely some situations
where I find myself throwing my hands up in the air and screeching, “NOW WHAT?”
The
book is organized into four parts. The
first three cover the importance of teaching children the three mainstays of
good behavior: Respect, Responsibility, and Resilience, which happen to be three
spotlight areas in our house populated with middle-schoolers. The fourth part explains how to make changes
happen, starting with parents. Can our
kids count on us to do what we say we will? Ultimately, can we be the parents
we want to be?
With
this book, Dr. G reinforces the lesson my mother taught me those years ago –
that when we structure ourselves, we can structure our kids’ lives. All parents can learn what it is to be a fully
formed, responsible adult from this book, along with tips on learning how to be
an effective parent.
If
you’re a parent, read Dr. G’s book. Never
preachy, it’s written in a warm, practical tone that is down-to-earth and funny
in some places, like in a “we’re all in this together, here’s what happened to us
and how we dealt with it” kind of way.
You trust her point of view because of her experience and profession. Her ability to make even the hairiest parenting
issue seem doable is confidence-building, that even your NOW WHAT?? moments can
be corrected and handled by YOU, the parent.
Get the Behavior You Want… Without Being the Parent You Hate! is available on Amazon.
*******
If
you’re not aware of Dr. Deborah Gilboa’s presence on social media, I hope you
become aware. Her 2-minute YouTube videos are not to be missed. Her
guest segments on news programs nationwide cover interesting parenting topics
and information as well. And she speaks
and gives seminars on parenting. Find
her on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and her site.
Your mother's advice is awesome.
ReplyDeleteSo is Dr. G's!
Both are great, so steeped in common sense. As a parent I need to be reminded of it, because I get crazy wrapped up in the details of parenting.
DeleteThat - and your mother's advice - is such a great take-away from the book! I've had the same "aha" moment about having to change MY habits before I can change theirs. Parenting is hard, yo.
ReplyDeleteIt is. And like everything, it gets harder and harder. So glad to have other parents to learn from, especially if they're gifted at writing out easy-to-follow instructions. :)
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