I’m
an easy-going label reader, and choose products based more on their names or
brands than what’s in the actual product.
Sue me. I know that Ball Park
frozen hamburgers probably don’t have much real beef in them, but darn it all,
pop one in the microwave and in a little over a minute you’ve got a tasty
meal. I don’t know what they put in
these things. Preservatives for sure,
and maybe even a little bit of wizardry.
Because
I’m sort of lazy overall, I really appreciate when a product is named in such a
way that the name completely describes the product I’m buying. A perfect moniker is hard to come by, and sometimes
the name is enough to throw me off, as in the instances of Kaboom or Murphy’s
Oil Soap, or even Chick-O-Stick, which I have since found is delicious and not
made with chicken. Or V8 Splash, which
always concerns my kids in terms of sweetness, resulting from an
unfortunate regular V8 incident. Or cheesecake, which is more pie than cake, and not cheesy at all. But who doesn't know about cheesecake? I'll tell you who. People who don't know what's good.
Let’s
break here and go back to the vegetable juice discussion. Does anyone here know realize that Clamato actually
contains clam juice? Why would they
advertise this in the name? WHY WOULD
THEY MAKE IT AT ALL
Because
my job is to always be on the lookout for things that will make life easier while
shopping, I appreciate when a product name matches its product perfectly. It’s like the research and development team
had a smash hit and I imagine them all standing around slapping each other on
the back and shredding hundred dollar bills just for the fun of it.
Here
are six home run names:
Perfect Brownie Pan – I’ve had this pan for
two years. I just used it for the first
time. You know what? The brownies are perfect. I can’t get over it. I just can’t.
Neither can the kids. We eat
brownies and remark on how perfect they really are. Get yourselves one of these mothers.
Miracle Blur (from Revlon) – When I apply this to my face it becomes smooth. I
don’t know how this works. It sort of
fills in all the lines and pores and makes my facial skin smooth like a Barbie
doll’s face, or even Meg Ryan’s. I’m okay with this. It blurs lines miraculously.
Mix ‘N’ Chop (Pampered
Chef) – This thing.
I will rummage through the bottomless pit of the kitchen utensil drawer
for minutes – minutes! – to find it to use it while cooking ground
meat. It really does mix and chop the
meat while you are cooking it! No more
“no kids, those aren’t meatballs, it’s just a clump of hamburger in the sauce”
on spaghetti night.
I Can’t Believe It’s Not
Butter
– I think the benefits of this product are well-documented, since it’s been
around forever. I actually remember it coming
out and my mom buying it once. Alas, we
were a Fleischmann’s family and I was so unprepared for the butter-ness of the
taste and I hated it. In my house we eat butter like we eat
candy, and once in a while I will have some I Can’t Believe It’s Not and it is
pretty remarkable how much it does actually taste like butter.
Easy Readers – So easy! They are everywhere, too. These are your basic, run-of-the-mill dollar store reading glasses. Why would anyone spend the time and money getting regular reading glasses when there are so many easy options available? I wouldn't, that's for sure. Plus, these are READING GLASSES. That old people wear. You don't want them to look too cute, or else you're building your wardrobe around them. It's a slippery slope, friends.
Smooth Move Herbal Tea –
Just
like its name suggests, it makes everything move smoothly. Like bowel elimination. Because Smooth Move is a laxative. Drink it before bed, not before you go out to
the bar, silly! You’re welcome.
What else you got? Leave me some perfectly-named products in the
comments!
*******
Disclaimer: I have not been paid to hawk these products. I just really admire them.
I am adding all of the above to my Christmas list.
ReplyDeleteExcept for the glasses.
My eyes can't be helped without a bi-focal.
I am like 100 years old.
It's like a holiday gift guide for the literal people in your life :)
ReplyDeleteI need to get some readers to wear with my contacts, because, like Kari, I am old.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I do not like cheesecake. I am sorry. I do want brownies now though.
Ooh, I love I Can't Believe It's Butter! A shame I can't get it here in Malaysia.
ReplyDeleteGirl, have you used that pan for cornbread yet? It makes perfect corn breads too! ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd the mix and chop is SO awesome. I think you need to get a commission from Pampered Chef!
Reading your blog makes me happy every single time.
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