I've made Thanksgiving dinner several times, and it's eh, okay. It's not my favorite thing in the world to do. It's the prep, the expense, the having to make sure you have everything, and that everything is ready at the same time. It's stressful, people.
And then your company comes over and announces "We skipped breakfast! Step aside, 'cause we're gonna mow this turkey down!"
And then all your work is destroyed in fifteen minutes, and then your hog family members lie down on your furniture, fart up your living room and take naps while you're up to your elbows in dishes.
So basically if you're not the host of Thanksgiving, you are the winner of Thanksgiving.
I love to bring side dishes to Thanksgiving fiestas, mainly for the illusion that I am actually contributing to the meal, but also because I get tired of the same old foods at holidays, which is why we had an all-appetizer Christmas dinner last year.
Anyway, I try to make a side dish that is easy because let's face it, I am a punk and like my husband I don't like to work very much at all on the holidays. So I came up with this side dish that will be a wonderful addition to any Thanksgiving table. Plus if everyone hates it, who cares? Take it home with you and eat it all yourself.
I call it Eazy-T Cauliflower Mash. T for Thanksgiving, Eazy for everything related to being a gangsta, and Cauliflower Mash because of other obvious reasons that will be revealed soon.
Oh, you've heard of it? Okay, okay. This is a THANKSGIVING POST. PUBLISHED THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING. You do know that all the good Pinteresters have had their meals planned out for weeks, don't you? Clearly you're here for comic relief only.
So here's my recipe for the lazy gal's side dish:
Cauliflower. Get a hunk or two at the store. Grab the biggest ones if you have hog families like mine, or a medium or small one if your family is more of the dainty eater variety. What's wrong with your family? Are they not Americans?
1/2 stick to 1 stick of butter. DO NOT SKIMP ON THIS. You must use butter. Just do it, okay? I'm more of a butter pusher than Paula Deen, kids. Accept.
Salt and pepper. Seriously. Can we just assume that everything has salt and pepper in it? Because it does. Except maybe brownies. Mmmmmmmbrownies.
Sour cream. Just borrow some from your neighbor. You don't need a lot - maybe a tablespoon or two. But ask them for the whole container so you can use it later when you're eating baked potatoes or something.
Get a big pot. I don't care how big of a pot you use, but it better be big enough to hold all the cauliflower you just washed and cut up into pieces, because if it isn't, you're in trouble, missy. Throw the cauliflower into the pot and cover it with water. Boil the crap out of the cauliflower until it's soft. I can't tell you how soft because I don't make it a point to touch cauliflower that's been boiling in a vat of boiling water. Fork it a couple of times to see if it mashes easily. Drain the cauliflower.
Ha. Fork it.
Add the butter, salt and pepper, and sour cream. I usually eyeball everything here, and add as needed. This is not rocket science. You want this dish to be buttery, creamy, and flavorful. Get it to that point on your own. I will not enable a false sense of security by helicoptering your every move.
Get out your little mixer and mix it up a bit so it is nice and fluffy. Then. THEN
Spoon it into a casserole dish! Place in the oven at 350 degrees! And bake it for like twenty minutes!
Or more. Or less. Just don't burn it, for the love of gravy.
And then eat it. But serve yourself first, because you know. Hogs.