Happy 2015, poops!
I meant to say peeps. But my fingers typed poops instead. I'm leaving it there.
Because poops. And yes. I'm still twelve.
After making the decision to stay home together this week, it became readily apparent that we needed something to do to keep from killing each other.
Because we all are at home. Together, people. And togetherness begets ennui, bickering, and strife.
Oh, it’s all fun and games and loving and caring at your house, huh? Isn’t that nice for you. Now go away.
After cornering my husband and instructing him to put away the mopey face he wears at home because he’s never home and he doesn’t know what to do when he’s home except mope around, we discussed the things we will do this week to head off the inevitable storm of smart talk, bad behavior, crying, and feelings of boredom and hopelessness that the rest of my family will have to deal with when I lose my mind from having them all home with me for a week.
Here’s what we came up with:
1. Go to the movies. About ten movies came out around Christmas, and we are going to see them. Well, maybe not all of them. So far we’ve seen two. We don’t go to the movies often, so we blow our movie budget for the year even before the new year starts. Who cares? No one’s yelling or crying while you’re inside the movie theater. Except for the toddler that is in every movie theater these days WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON BRINGING BABIES TO THE MOVIES?
2. Go “shopping.” If you are like us, money is tight at the holidays because you spent it all on presents, food, and booze, and because you are going to the movies every day. So you return duplicate gifts and get store credit or exchange for the right size or a different item and pretend that you are shopping for yourself when actually you are just recycling money that has already been spent. Or you’re my husband and just go to the mall and drop another hundred bucks on yourself because why not? You don’t pay the bills.
3. Exercise. Look. You just spent the last week eating and drinking your weight or more in desserts and dips, meats and potatoes, pastas, and eggnog. You have to work it off. Just do it, and try not to cry openly at your lack of will.
4. Clean your filthy house. People have been in and out of the house for weeks and you’ve neglected even swiping the counter with a Clorox wipe because you’ve been so busy. Your house is a pit. Put the holiday decorations away and start the new year afresh. Or at least less sticky. Seriously. Would it kill anyone to wipe the counter?
5. Have your kids’ friends over. The tween in our house sees a week of nothing to do and screams “SLEEPOVER!” Do it. Order pizza or feed Sarah Elizabeth your Christmas dinner leftovers. Then do the same tomorrow when Logan and Jimmy come over. Double bonus on this one: the kids are occupied and mom and dad can curl up on the couch and binge watch all the shows they missed last year.
6. Have your own friends over. Inviting friends over the break is a great way to a) get rid of even more food, b) see what they got for Christmas so you can borrow it later, c) have an excuse to day drink, d) be around normal people after spending so much time with your family.
7. Hide. In our house, we each have our favorite spot. Mine is at my desk where I can look busy while I peer into the neighbor’s windows. My husband likes to hole up in his office and stare at the wall while he pretends to work. Our son finds the basement to his liking, where he can get sucked into playing video games. Our daughter lies on the floor of her room, making crafts and watching pranking videos on YouTube.
All of these activities are surefire ways to sail through the holidays with a minimum of turmoil, and before you know it, the break will be over and everyone will be off to their rightful places in the universe. With any luck you’ll all start the new year unscathed, just like I am hoping for our family. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think the neighbors just got home.
This post inspired by:
Prompt #2: 7 best ways to spend winter break.