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Nothing makes me feel smarter than a good old internet browsing session. There are a lot of people out there willing to showcase their worst failures for all of us to see. I salute those people. Especially the ones who make it onto any Epic Fail video. Thanks, guys. Sorry about your broken… everything.
Then I check my Facebook feed and people are talking about Harper Lee. Gee, what a cool name, I think. If I had a baby I would totally name him Harper Lee. Where have I heard that name? Oh, right. To Kill A Mockingbird. Gregory Peck. Scout. Also a cool name. Okay, hmmm. That’s right – Harper Lee is a woman. And she’s coming out with a new book. And everyone cares. I should also care. You go, Harper Lee.
I never even read To Kill a Mockingbird. Never saw the movie, either. Ah, well. At least I know Gregory Peck was in it. It was also Black and White, which means that it is an old movie.
Others are talking about parenting trends, causes they support, their own and their children's education, new jobs, women’s issues, health news, race relations, something something NPR. Oh, look! A trailer for the new Magic Mike movie.
I’ve seen Magic Mike, but I’ve never watched The Daily Show. Is it still a thing? So many people love Jon Stewart. I saw him on Jimmy Fallon once. He seemed a little full of himself. Talking about him makes me think about Stephen Colbert. Is he still a thing? He’s pretty good-looking, but someone somewhere told me he was full of himself, too. And that’s all I know. They talk about the news, right? Or is it just politics?
I just got Netflix because that’s what all the smartest people are watching. So far I’ve watched Orange is the New Black and that’s it. Between you and me I can’t wait to be caught up with this show so I can stop watching it. It just makes me feel like I don’t ever want to go to prison. Lady prison is no joke if I can believe what I’m watching on Netflix. My son has watched all of The Walking Dead and that makes me feel like a terrible parent.
I like to read. Lots of people I know talk about the books they’re reading. I binge-purchase books at our local used bookstore and stack my pile on a desk in our bedroom. I choose books that people say are the best they’ve ever read, or books with gold seals on the cover that proclaim “Man Booker Prize” or “National Book Award.” I choose classics that can be used as doorstops or step-stools for small children. These books take me a long time to read. Last one like that I read was Les Misérables. Longest six months of my life.
I have a habit of thinking I’m smarter than I am with these big books that make me miserable. I’m happier reading short romances and thin novels. I need to walk away from the brainy table in the Goodreads cafeteria and find a different crowd.
My son sits down next to me. “Mom, do you know what analog means?”
Um, sure. I’ve heard of analog. Is it the opposite of digital? Like, we used to watch analog TV. Now we have digital TV. ::offers a watery smile::
“No, no. Analogue. A-N-A-L-O-G-U-E. Like two movies that are analogous to each other. Similar in story. Like Star Wars and Star Trek.”
Shark Tale and Finding Nemo. Surf’s Up and Happy Feet. A Bug's Life and Antz!
For a moment, I am smart. I can have a conversation with another person that shows what I know.
Okay, I know cartoon movies from the early 2000s. But it’s still something.