Thursday, August 27, 2015

Why I Won’t Ever Lose Those Last Five Pounds

Those last five pounds.

To be totally transparent, there weren’t any first five pounds.  Or middle five pounds, for that matter.

Just those last ones.

I’ve been up and down five pounds many times in my life.  A couple times I lost ten or fifteen pounds, but it wasn’t sustainable.  As my grandmother taught me: you have to eat to keep your weight.   It seems silly to say that out loud, but such are most truths.  My body likes its weight.  I eat to maintain it.  So why do I still hang onto the feeling that I have five pounds to lose?

It’s been going on for a while.  Since my teens, and Egg McMuffins on the way to school, splitting a whole large pizza with a friend, Spaghetti-Os and hotdogs on Fridays before football games and milkshakes and fries after.

Since my twenties, and mid-afternoon Moons Over My Hammy and $2 nachos at 2 am, after drinking beer all night.

Since my thirties, and leftover chicken nuggets and grilled cheese crusts scrounged from little people’s plates after my own lunch, and all the girls’ nights in and out with margaritas and bottles of wine poured and toasted and drank, and then something salty or sweet to soak up all the booze.

And now, my forties, and my new love/hate of sugar in all forms.

Those last five pounds are made up of junk food.  Empty calories.  Poison.




It’s no secret to me that when I cut out those things which are bad for any body, the ones that make me feel terrible – processed foods, sugar, alcohol – the last five pounds disappear.  When I drink water instead of iced lattes, chomp carrots instead of chocolate, and stop at one glass of wine instead of pounding three, the five pounds go away. 

Those five pounds - they're the fun ones.  And, I am reminded, the last ones.  But they are also the ones that make me scrutinize my reflection in every mirror, the ones that make me suck in my gut for pictures, the ones that make me regret that second (fourth) cookie.

I eat and drink and consider that maybe I shouldn’t have had that cocktail, those fries.  All those extra calories.  I should exercise and drink water instead.   Skip the ice cream today.  You had some last week.  Does a body need ice cream?

Mine doesn’t.  In fact, it feels a lot better without it.  I know what I need to do, to lose those last five pounds, to keep them at bay.  Then I see cookies, and think of pizza.  My mind says no and yes at the same time.  Sometimes no wins.  But yes is having more time in the sun more often.

As I age, I enjoy those last five pounds more and worry about them less.  I will have another glass of wine.  I will eat one (three) of the cupcakes my daughter made today.  And tonight is wing night.

It’s just five pounds.


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This post inspired by:

Mama’s Losin’ It
Prompt #6: What is sabotaging your plan to drop 5 pounds?

9 comments:

  1. That was honest! Loved it. Well said.

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  2. Ah, those last five pounds! I know my own too well; they keep coming back around. Good job capturing the angst, the debate, and also the decadence that we are so loath to alienate.

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  3. You and me both, my friend! If only food wasn't so delicious!

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  4. Oh friend, I feel this SO HARD.
    WHY DO THEY MAKE ALL THE GOOD FOODS?!?!?!

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  5. Ice cream gets me for all the days.
    And then they go and make ice cream flavoured creamer for my coffee.
    Bastards.
    I love your mentality. I wish that I didn't care about weight but I do and I hate it.
    Damn it.

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  6. I love your mentality too, realizing that, without engaging in unhealthy food behaviors, you'd lose those five pounds. Then again, you'd also miss out on the fun part of it.

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  7. You totally just described my life, my eating habits and the exact reason why I can't kick those last pounds too. It's not fair that it gets harder to lose as we get older.

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  8. I know. I KNOW.
    Damn my sweet tooth.

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  9. I used to bemoan those last five pounds, and they got tired of hearing me moan and went and brought friends.

    Now I'm working on 30 pounds. Damn all the yummy food. And coffee creamers. And not enough sleep and the Dunkin Donuts drive thru.

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