Thursday, October 8, 2015

Ten Things I Love About Football

If you know me, then you know one thing:

I HATE FOOTBALL.

I hate everything about it.

So why, you ask, am I bothering to write a blog post about the ten things I love about football?  Hate is the opposite of love, no?

Well, yes.  Yes, I suppose it is.  Hmmm.  There are any number of reasons why I would write a post like this.  Let’s explore them:

a) If I find ten things to love about football, then I will gain a new perspective and not hold so much hate in my heart about it.  Hate eats hearts, you know.  I do not want hate to eat my heart.

b) I like a challenge.

c) I’m trying to please my husband, who really does love football to the very core of his being.

This picture sort of makes me sweat a little.  PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE

Whoa, those reasons got more ridiculous as they went on.  Hold on while I compose myself.  This might take a while.

* * *

There are 10 things I can love about football, right?  RIGHT?  Let’s see, number one…

1. Football season is one of the shortest of the sports seasons.  August through January is typical for college football, and you get one more month for the pros.  If you're into high school football then you'll know that we have only about a month left in the season, which is 100% good news.  I know all of this because my husband tries to sneak football game watching on me every chance he gets, and I always generally know how much time is left until the last game is played.  If you understand math at all, then you'll realize that football is only played about 40% of the year.  Which means that there is no football for 7 months in a year. There are only 122 days until the last football game for the current season.  That's about how long the average person sleeps in a year.  Which is a better use of time if you ask me.

2. Football games are long.  When there’s a game on, I get about 4 hours to myself.  This means I can watch Netflix or learn the guitar or nap or shave my heels or do anything I want without interruption.  I encourage Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and even Thursday football games.  That’s at least 16 hours a week, people.  Think about the beauty of this situation.

3. Food.  Yes.  Football food is good.  Beer and wings and grilled sausages are good.  Even though those things are just as good without football.  Never mind.

4-10. 

* * *

That’s it.  I’m out. 

Three things.  I love three things about football, and they're even sort of lame things.  I Googled “Ten Things I Love About Football” to see if I liked any of the things that other people love about football. Competition, gambling, strategy, rivalry, and tailgating are popular reasons.  I don't love any of those things about football, and I can't even get behind items like "the men who play" and "all the tight pants." So I Googled "Ten Things I Hate About Football" and do you know what I found?

A bunch of articles on the reasons people hate soccer (which is understandable, I guess). Evidently there are dozens of reasons why people hate soccer but evidently no one except me hates stupid ol' American football. I could write an article about all the things I hate about football, but I don't feel like writing about football for a hundred years.  I really thought this exercise would be easy.

The bottom line is that football sucks, people.  It’s the worst and I hate it.



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This post inspired by:

Mama’s Losin’ It

Prompt #1: 10 things you love about football.


18 comments:

  1. I got a kick out of your post. I don't "hate" football but I don't watch it, and better yet, neither does my husband. Although, after reading your #2 reason, I might encourage him to start! ;-)

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  2. I will agree with you on the food for sure! I shared 10 things I don't love about football on my blog, I'll just have to attempt personal growth next week I guess! lol

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    1. I will have to check out your blog! How did you stop at 10? I am also procrastinating the personal growth thing. Although I'm not sure loving football is a step to any kind of growth.

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  3. Yes, indeed! I don't know if I could even come up with 3 reasons. I don't understand the appeal in the slightest, much less the deep passion many people have for it.

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    1. Yeah, the deep passion - I don't get. I can think of twenty other things more worthy to have a deep passion about. Maybe I should write THAT post.

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  4. I tried the "ten reasons you hate football" prompt and only came up with a couple. I couldn't think of any reason to love it, though.

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    1. So what you're saying is that you're indifferent to football. I hope to feel the same way about it at some point in life.

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  5. Shave my heels -- OMFG YASSSSSS. I mean there are a million things that I can get done during football without my husband asking me stupid things like "Babe where can I find xyz" or "Does this sound like it could be pneumonia?" because oh my god man colds.
    I just don't understand football and I blame it on Detroit Lions because they've sucked since the beginning of time. But my husband is a loyal fan bless his boots -- he doesn't wear boots. I just like saying that.

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  6. Ok, that was hysterical. As I was writing my 10 reasons, I had a hard time with the last 3. lol Could you imagine liking hockey? That lasts like all year! I'm not a fan of soccer, but my husband and his kids live for it. I would love to go to Vikings games, but alas, we're not even in MN any more. And besides, those games were too expensive. =(

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    1. I have experience with hockey, and all I can say about it is that it's too darn cold for me to like anything about it. Also one of the reasons why I hate football.

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  7. I too don't really "like" football nor going to any of such games. Luckily the kids are not into such sports too..they only like Badminton at the moment.

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    1. Now, see? I can get behind badminton. However, it's more of a spring game, no? Or maybe it just seems more of a warm-weather game. Plus it's not as barbaric.

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  8. I laughed so hard. ☺️ blessedly, there are do sports-obsessed here. Although if dungeons & Dragons were still a thing there'd be that.

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    1. Ah, yes - I guess if I had to choose video gaming over football game watching, I'd choose football. OK - there's the 4th thing I love about football: It's not video gaming.

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  9. 4-10 I'm out.

    Oh my gosh this made me laugh so much!

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    1. I mean, really. If I can't find six more things to love about something, then I really can't be expected to write anything more about it.

      Thank you!

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