As I sit here staring at a blank screen sloooooooowly
filling with words, I’d like to own up to something.
My bathroom, the one I share with my husband,
is filthy and needs to be cleaned.
The kids were just off school for four days due
to the several feet of snow (OMG save
me) we received in a massive winter storm and I asked them to clean their rooms
and their own filthy shared bathroom.
Which they did. Because my kids
know that if they don’t do what I ask, things happen which make them cry fat
tears of sorrow and shame.
I'm exaggerating, of course. This doesn’t really happen that much
anymore. What I do is follow them around
with bathroom cleaner and rags, scream-singing my own version of Barney’s clean-up
song until they comply.
Sorrow and shame are optional and totally on
them.
As a rule, cleaning bathrooms isn’t my most reviled
household chore. I hate vacuuming much
worse, followed by kitchen duty and sweeping / mopping hard floors. Bathrooms are usually small rooms, and in ten
or fifteen minutes they can be refreshed.
But our bathroom is big. Every surface needs a scrub, and to be clear,
our bathroom consists of one large room and a smaller throne room that houses a
toilet. That’s two rooms, math whizzes.
Two rooms full of sinks, a shower, a large tub,
and the throne room – that’s a lot of crusty bathroom area to clean up,
people. Whoever decided that the masters
of the home need a huge master bathroom needs a junk punch.
But ahmagahhhhhhhhhh it needs to be disinfected
like yesterday.
And I’d rather do anything but clean it. Like the following:
1. Write a blog post about not cleaning the
bathroom what is my life.
2. Watch a thirty minute YouTube video. If you know me, you know that I have a hard
rule against watching online videos if they are over one minute long and aren’t
funny or cute or involve someone falling down or possibly being injured. Educate yourself. It’s not porn, jeez. Settle down.
3. Order new window blinds to replace the broken ones
in our house, and then after placing the order realize I forgot one because
everyone knows that ordering blinds is almost as mind numbing as cleaning the
bathroom; you’re bound to make a mistake.
It’s actually worse, because when you receive the blinds you have to install
them, and you know you’re going to do it wrong and what would be a 30-minute job
for normal people will take you half the day.
You’re terrible at home improvement!
5. Apply eye makeup. There’s an inch of crud on the bathroom
counter, but at least I’m wearing mascara.
But no lipstick! ::runs off to
apply lipstick::
6. Pretend that houseplants need pruning and prune
houseplants. Prune one a little too
much. Throw out over-pruned houseplant. Rearrange houseplants.
7. Think to myself: I would do almost anything
instead of clean my bathroom. Think of a
million other things you’d rather do than clean a bathroom, because that job’s
for suckers, and this blog post is terrible.
Congratulations. You’re at the
end.
Eh, it’s not that bad. I'm pretty busy - it can go another week.
*******
This post inspired by:
Mama Kat's Writing Workshop
Prompt #3: List 7 things you
would rather do than clean your bathroom.
I hate to clean the bathrooms.
ReplyDeleteI would rather clean my ears.
Or trim my toenails.
Or get up off the couch during a Kartrashians marathon.
How trimming someone else's toenails? Would you rather do that? Because right there might be my limit.
DeleteI'm soooo with you. But sweeping and mopping is worse. I'm jealous you have houseplants.
ReplyDeleteThe houseplants move in every winter. We started with 9; we are down to 5. We also are cat-sitting, so I will be extremely surprised if these ones survive until summer.
DeleteYour description of your excellent plant care made me laugh because it was just a little too familiar!
ReplyDeleteJust a little trim here, here, and here, and oh, look. A pot of sticks and dirt. ::dumps in yard:: They do better when I ignore them.
DeleteWhat? I'm totally appalled by your dirty bathroom!
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. At least the rats clean our toilet bowls on their way up and down.
It's really grossing me out. At this point, a rat would be a conditions upgrade.
DeleteAnd then when you finally clean it you're like "Now why don't I do this sooner and upkeep it better? It's really not that hard." Fast forward 2 weeks when it's a disaster again. I hate cleaning bathrooms too.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I psych myself out every time, when it would really only take me a few minutes to get it back into shape. Sometimes I trick myself into cleaning it while I'm getting ready for the day, and those times it's not so bad.
Delete