Thursday, January 28, 2016

I’d Do Almost Anything Else

As I sit here staring at a blank screen sloooooooowly filling with words, I’d like to own up to something.

My bathroom, the one I share with my husband, is filthy and needs to be cleaned.

The kids were just off school for four days due to the several feet of snow (OMG save me) we received in a massive winter storm and I asked them to clean their rooms and their own filthy shared bathroom.  Which they did.  Because my kids know that if they don’t do what I ask, things happen which make them cry fat tears of sorrow and shame.

I'm exaggerating, of course.  This doesn’t really happen that much anymore.  What I do is follow them around with bathroom cleaner and rags, scream-singing my own version of Barney’s clean-up song until they comply.

Sorrow and shame are optional and totally on them.

As a rule, cleaning bathrooms isn’t my most reviled household chore.  I hate vacuuming much worse, followed by kitchen duty and sweeping / mopping hard floors.  Bathrooms are usually small rooms, and in ten or fifteen minutes they can be refreshed.

But our bathroom is big.  Every surface needs a scrub, and to be clear, our bathroom consists of one large room and a smaller throne room that houses a toilet.  That’s two rooms, math whizzes.

Two rooms full of sinks, a shower, a large tub, and the throne room – that’s a lot of crusty bathroom area to clean up, people.  Whoever decided that the masters of the home need a huge master bathroom needs a junk punch.

But ahmagahhhhhhhhhh it needs to be disinfected like yesterday.

And I’d rather do anything but clean it.  Like the following:

1. Write a blog post about not cleaning the bathroom what is my life.

2. Watch a thirty minute YouTube video.  If you know me, you know that I have a hard rule against watching online videos if they are over one minute long and aren’t funny or cute or involve someone falling down or possibly being injured.  Educate yourself.  It’s not porn, jeez.  Settle down.

3. Order new window blinds to replace the broken ones in our house, and then after placing the order realize I forgot one because everyone knows that ordering blinds is almost as mind numbing as cleaning the bathroom; you’re bound to make a mistake.  It’s actually worse, because when you receive the blinds you have to install them, and you know you’re going to do it wrong and what would be a 30-minute job for normal people will take you half the day.  You’re terrible at home improvement!

4. Doodle.  I got an A in doodling, which is the mark of a true genius in every fantasy world.

5. Apply eye makeup.  There’s an inch of crud on the bathroom counter, but at least I’m wearing mascara.  But no lipstick!  ::runs off to apply lipstick::

6. Pretend that houseplants need pruning and prune houseplants.  Prune one a little too much.  Throw out over-pruned houseplant.  Rearrange houseplants.

7. Think to myself: I would do almost anything instead of clean my bathroom.  Think of a million other things you’d rather do than clean a bathroom, because that job’s for suckers, and this blog post is terrible.  Congratulations.  You’re at the end. 

Eh, it’s not that bad. I'm pretty busy - it can go another week.


This post inspired by:

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Prompt #3: List 7 things you would rather do than clean your bathroom.


  1. I hate to clean the bathrooms.
    I would rather clean my ears.
    Or trim my toenails.
    Or get up off the couch during a Kartrashians marathon.

    1. How trimming someone else's toenails? Would you rather do that? Because right there might be my limit.

  2. I'm soooo with you. But sweeping and mopping is worse. I'm jealous you have houseplants.

    1. The houseplants move in every winter. We started with 9; we are down to 5. We also are cat-sitting, so I will be extremely surprised if these ones survive until summer.

  3. Your description of your excellent plant care made me laugh because it was just a little too familiar!

    1. Just a little trim here, here, and here, and oh, look. A pot of sticks and dirt. ::dumps in yard:: They do better when I ignore them.

  4. What? I'm totally appalled by your dirty bathroom!

    Just kidding. At least the rats clean our toilet bowls on their way up and down.

    1. It's really grossing me out. At this point, a rat would be a conditions upgrade.

  5. And then when you finally clean it you're like "Now why don't I do this sooner and upkeep it better? It's really not that hard." Fast forward 2 weeks when it's a disaster again. I hate cleaning bathrooms too.

    1. Exactly. I psych myself out every time, when it would really only take me a few minutes to get it back into shape. Sometimes I trick myself into cleaning it while I'm getting ready for the day, and those times it's not so bad.