Thursday, November 10, 2016

Ha Ha Very Funny

The biggest joke in the universe is that moms don’t get days off.

Taking care of others is the sort of gig that allows no time off, not even when you’re far away and there’s zero possibility of finding that one pair of leggings or the extra container of hair goo that has mysteriously disappeared.

You always care, are often contacted, and are expected to take care of business even when you’re not there by setting things in motion, guiding through the process, and cleaning up afterwards. There’s no end in sight, even though the people around you are capable of doing the job that you do – for them, usually – themselves.

I’m tired.

It’s well-established in my family that I don’t really enjoy taking care of everyone’s junk. As much as I lament the aging of my children and their looming departure, I am quite enjoying the fact that they can feed and wash themselves, get their work done on their own, and even help me with some of life’s heavy stuff.

Literally. Having teenagers – particularly a teenage boy with brand-new muscles that he is anxious to use – is the best thing ever when I need to move something big.

I’ve been doing this job long enough now that nobody in my family even tries anymore to pretend that an off day for me is really an off day. Even my husband, who understands my need to cocoon once in a while, will stand in front of me and, after listening to me insist that I want nothing else but to relax, will say with no mockery, sarcasm, or irony whatsoever, “So, can you help me with…?”

There are no breaks.

Which makes me think – what would a day off actually look like?

A day off isn’t really a day off unless the next day can start anew with its own responsibilities and none of the day off’s responsibilities waiting in the wings, all piled up. The point of a day off is to relax and reorient ourselves to why we are here in the first place, to appreciate and have a renewed vigor for our tasks at hand when we return to them. 

A day off is really just a break for a little while, a brief period during which responsibilities and family members wait (sometimes not so) patiently until they can launch themselves at you so you can find the leggings and the hair goo and extra printer paper and Q-tips I JUST BOUGHT A MEGA BOX OF Q-TIPS AND THEY ARE UNDER YOUR BATHROOM SINK.

Sigh. A day off.

That’s hilarious.


This post inspired by:

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Prompt #1: You have a day off, what do you do with your free time?

Thursday, November 3, 2016


There is banging above my head where electricians are working.

It's not the good kind of banging.

It's the nerve-jangling kind, the sound of metal against metal.

The kind that makes you blink.

They warned us it would be jarring.

The cat is hiding.

Cats are scaredy-ca... oh well, you know.

It's all worth it, though.

Soon we will have electrical outlets in the floor.

Then I will plug in my computer without needing an extension cord.


This post inspired by:

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Prompt #6: Write a post in just 10 lines.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Abbrevs 4 U + Me

One of the most annoying things about the internet is the use of acronyms and abbreviations in comments, texts, and general interaction.

It’s only annoying to me because I don’t know what they all mean. Because I am not thirteen and my friends and I don’t speak in acronyms, omg.

I mean, what are we, medical experts? Military administrators? As a species we summarily agreed to use the typed word as the sole way we communicate which knocked speech out of the race altogether, quickly found out that nobody knows how to spell, and now we only want to communicate using TLAs and assume that everyone knows what we’re talking about.


I got used to u and 2 and 4 and even n to stand in as actual words in text messages, but soon omg and lol slid into our lexicon, as well as fun alternatives like oml, omw and omf, and lolz, lolol, and even lolololololol. Soon came smh and smdh and lmao, lmbo and rotfl, rotflmao, and rotflmfao to either disapprove of or appreciate the humor in various situations, the quizzical wtf and ikr, the sweet ily, and life-affirming yark (which bothers me for obvious reasons).  And don’t forget the super-popular af – middle schoolers haven’t, they all use it to emphasize nearly everything.

Okay, so I only see some of these on my kids’ Snapchats and in their text messages, so these might not be universal, but they probably are and I like knowing what’s up. Nothing is more embarrassing than having to Google language that kids are using.

Like “tl;dr” and “imho” – for the longest time I read those as they are written, like the names of real people. “Tilder, the situation is dire” and “Imho, frying sausage smells like a pig farm.” Tilder and Imho always seem to be present when people wish to speak about important or personal topics.

Then I realized that tl;dr and imho don’t add valuable information and now I disregard those acronyms categorically, like the real Tilder and Imho, who are probably a couple of loser party-poopers.

I thought it would be helpful to come up with some new abbreviations and acronyms to use in digital communications. Feel free to adopt as many as you want; I don't see this unfortunate trend going anywhere for a while, and the more they are used, the more we all know what we are all talking about. In addition, by adopting my short list here, you will love that you are on the cusp of the hottest smartphone slang, and your friends might start to tolerate your habits.

Acronym / Abbreviation


Use / Situation


Something stinks

appropriate anytime, effective as a strong hint


Something really stinks, probably something died

to be used in concerning situations


Did you fart

intimate use only


I just farted

for public or emergency use


Get out while you still can

general warning


I’m going to vomit

general warning


Someone needs deodorant



Someone needs a mint



There’s food in your teeth

good citizen opportunity


Thanks for nothing

teachable moment


Your zipper is down

good citizen


Leave me alone jerk

getting to know you


Love your face forever/Hate your face forever



I don’t like you

term of endearment or use in flirting


It’s because you stink



I’m calling the cops



Get off my lawn

for use by people over 50


Are you a robot

getting to know you


I think you’re a robot

intimate use only


Your secret’s out

good citizen


You’re so annoying



I love me



Better off on my own



At least I don’t stink



Seriously you need deodorant or mints


Okay, maybe my acronyms are for more specific life situations. Still useful.


1Research has indicated that this is a common acronym (, 2016). Naturally.