Why McDonald’s Can Always Count on my Business

It was breakfast time, so I pulled up to the drive thru window at McDonald’s and placed my order.  I don’t visit this particular establishment often, but I was out, and wanted some more coffee, and darn it, I deserved a break today.

After ordering, I pulled up to Window 1 to pay for my food.  The sliding window opened, and I was greeted by a cheerful man’s gap-toothed smile.  It was 9:00 on a frigid morning, and the wind blew in his face as he reached his Golden Arches-emblazoned gloved hand out to receive my money.  How can I get my hands on a pair of those gloves without actually working here, I wondered.  The fingerless look is really in right now, and the “M” design has always been one of my favorites.

“How are you today?” I asked the man as I forked over some cash, mostly in pennies and nickels that I keep on the floor of my car.

“Cold!”  he replied.  “Heh heh heh!”

“Seriously,” I answered, feigning disgust.  I glanced at my car thermometer which rudely announced an outside temperature of 14.  I gave it the finger and said, “It’s only fourteen out right now.”

“That’s cold,” says Mr. McDonald’s.  “Although anything below twenty is cold to me!  HEH HEH HEH!”

Hmmm, I think to myself.  This guy’s a real giggler.  I gotta keep this going.  “Well, anything below FORTY is cold to me!  I’m dying out here!  HA HA HA!”

McDonald’s drive-thru looked me straight in the eye and said, “Well, you couldn’t be at my house in the summer, then.  I like my indoor temperature at THIRTY-EIGHT during the summer months.  My air-conditioning works great, and my wife hates it.  I have to keep it at around fifty just so I don’t freeze her out!  HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

“Whoa,” I said.  “Are you part snowman?  Is Frosty your Dad?  Did you come from the North Pole?  Is your name Jack Frost?”

Actually, I gave him none of those responses.  I thought of those, and a hundred more, about five minutes after I gave him one more “ha ha,” said thanks for the change, and retrieved my food from the next drive-thru worker who practically threw it through the window as the arctic air threatened to turn her eyeballs into snowballs.

I would have loved to sit there with that guy all day long and asked him about his vacation homes on the polar icecaps and if he keeps penguins in the refrigerator.  He was friendly, and I love a good story, even if it may not be 100% true.  Then again, it could be, although I question a reality that allows a McDonald’s employee to afford an electric bill that manages an indoor temp of 38 during our 90-plus degree summers.

On another note, not much compares with the deliciousness of a freshly-made McDonald’s sausage biscuit.

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