Friday, February 21, 2014

Choosing to Be An Olympian

The 2014 Winter Olympics are almost over.


I haven’t really watched.  I don’t ever really watch.  I know that this year they are in Sochi, and that, I don’t know, the city wasn’t really ready for this event or something? Whatever.  I’m not a fan.

Because The Olympics are sports, and they’re on TV, and, yeah.  Meh.

I sort of enjoy watching the morning news shows cover the Olympics, because it usually means that one or more of the anchors are getting into some pretty silly outfits and trying out the sport that they are covering, and it’s kind of cool to see the Olympic athletes interviewed because this is their time in the spotlight, and they talk about how they gave up their lives for this moment, and sometimes their moms are on and everybody cries and it’s a huge lovefest and the network ratings go through the roof and there is an audible sigh coming from the show producers.

Other than that, I don’t really follow the events.  I think the last time I really sat down to watch an Olympics was the opening ceremony for the summer Olympics in Beijing.  Before that, I don’t know.  I didn’t even realize that the last Winter Olympics was in Vancouver.  I vaguely remember when Atlanta hosted them.  I actually had to look up a list of all the places that hosted them in my lifetime, and I was surprised to remember that they were in England and Italy recently. 

I know.  I’m hardly someone who should write about the Olympics at all. 

But I’m going to.  Specifically, I want to talk about the Olympic sports I think I’d like to try.

I think Bobsled would be nice.  After all, you’re in a sled, and you’re going fast, and you have a partner, so if something goes wrong you can blame your partner for ruining your life.  And I kind of get the feeling that weight and fitness is not an issue.  More weight in the sled means faster to the finish line, yes?  Plus the event is over in like 15 seconds and you get the ride of your life while you’re there.  But there’s the possibility of crashing.  So, yeah.  Maybe not.

Let’s talk about Skeleton for a moment, an event that I actually did watch for about two seconds when it was televised.  This is an event where the athletes take a running start and hurl themselves face down on a thin sled and careen downhill at 90 miles an hour, chin just inches from a slab of ice.  That sounds exhilarating, pass the Depends.

Forget about figure skating.  While I think it sounds romantic to dress up and be a pretty pretty princess to glide on the ice and have flower bouquets chucked at my head, holy crap those ice skaters have it tough.  They are like the kept women of the Olympics, groomed and raised to be the best, and all it takes is tripping over your toes once and your career is over.  Who needs that noise?

A skiing and snowboarding lifestyle sounds super cool, but I don’t like the snow.  Or jumping and flipping in the air not really knowing if I’ll land on my feet or my head or into a tree or on the edge of something called a Half-Pipe, which is basically a deep bowl with straight up vertical sides.  Half-Pipe, really.  They should call it Full-On Injury Apparatus.

Now that I think of it, all these sports are played in the cold, aren’t they?  Most are OUTSIDE.  On ice, where it’s cold, and where I have to wear all kinds of cold weather gear like gloves and hats and boots and puffy coats and goggles that cover your face?

Yeah.  I’m out.


This post inspired by:

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Prompt #3:
If you had to choose a sport to compete in the Winter Olympics,
which sport would you choose and why?


  1. I love the Olympics. My husband, who watches sports like some people breathe, wants nothing to do with them. I am laughing at the skaters being the kept women of the Olympics, not to mention they are judged on "artistry" which OMG how does one quantify that?

    1. I am surprised that your husband doesn't watch since he loves sports. Mine will watch any sport if it's on TV no matter what it is. That the ice skaters are judged on artistry reinforces my view that they are mistreated. They really should have a union or something.

  2. Yeah. Cold. Not for me thanks. I'll join in the ice cream eating with you.

  3. I loved the Olympics when they were right here in British Columbia in 2010. That rocked. Other than that? I'm pissed off that there are no new episodes of my favourite shows on TV while the Olympics are on...

  4. Ice cream eating? I'm in!

    I'd rather be cold than hot any day, but I don't live in a place that has weather per say, so I really shouldn't comment on it.

    I do enjoy watching the Olympics.

  5. I would totally choose Sitting in the Ski Lodge and Drinking Hot Cocoa as my sport. And I would win GOLD!!!! Promise. :D

  6. I love watching the Olympics (summer more than winter but I still watch as much as possible!). I don't have any desire to try a single winter event - mostly because they all involve snow and/or ice and I don't like either!!

  7. I used to love to watch the Olympics - specifically ice skating, but now everyone and his cousin can quadruple toe this and quadruple loop that and it all kind of looks the same to me. Even the announcers sound bored by it all. But I could totally get behind an ice cream eating event. Rocky Road, please.

  8. I could really get behind Olympic ice cream. That sounds awesome.
    I am not a winter sports fan, and I don't really watch sports on TV either. My guys like baseball, so if I am going to sit through something it will likely be that.

  9. Curling sounds interesting to me. I like the idea of being on ice but not on skates. I'm not coordinated enough to be on skates.

  10. You are so freaking funny.
    If ice cream eating was an Olympic sport, yeah, I can get into that.

  11. I'm with you - Ice Cream Eating as an Olympic sport.
    The skeleton thing scares the crap out of me. I can't even watch it.

  12. OH, wow, this was awesome - loved it. I'm really not an Olympics watcher. What I hate is when people hear that (because all anyone can say is "did you see ______ on the Olympics last night?") and look at me like I have ten heads. Not everybody's into it, people. But the ice cream thing? Yes. I could do that. Well, if I liked ice cream...

  13. I don't don't really see any overweight Olympians in bobsleds...but you might be on to something!

  14. Hee! Love the ice cream!

    (Also, I watched the Nancy-Tonya story last night! That's part of the Olympics, right?!)