When
you’re a kid, the question isn’t “What is your goal in life?” but “What do you want to be when you grow
up?”
The
possibilities left me with stars in my eyes.
What
did I want to be? What didn’t I want to be?
Early on, I wanted to be two things: a dentist and a bus driver.
Naturally,
I wanted to be a dentist, because: TEETH.
And a bus driver, because: the freedom of the open road, twenty tons of
steel hurtling me toward the next adventure with fifty of my closest friends.
At
six I was a wanderer, a free spirit. With
great teeth.
Later, my goal was to be a dancer, a farmer, a teacher, an actor, a secretary, a
horsewoman, a florist, and Julie from the Love Boat. I envisioned myself in a gauzy mint-green pleated
dress, ash-blond hair perfectly curled away from my glowing complexion and
glossy pink lips. Permission to come
aboard, Captain?
I
loved Carol Burnett and Vicki Lawrence, wanted to be involved in their
hilarious back and forths, trying not to giggle. My goal was to make people laugh, move them
to tears, dance and sing like a modern Judy Garland and eat lunch on the studio
lot.
I
lamented the day I realized that we lived too far away from any big city to
realistically have a career on the stage or screen. I took modeling classes and learned how to apply
makeup and I cut out pictures from magazines of clothing I thought was terribly
fashionable and listened carefully as the charm school instructors insisted
that these were not examples of high fashion but were instead one-off trends,
sure to be absent next year. I didn’t
understand but perfected lining my eyes and feathering my hair away from my
face instead. I never once wondered why
my hairstyle wasn’t featured in any of the fashion magazines.
I heard them tell my mother that I needed another 20 weeks of classes and what
it would cost, and I got new goals.
In
high school I loved art and failed math, and was crushed to find out that I had
no talent for art after all. I took an
aptitude test that said I should be an artist.
I chose to go to college in a beautiful climate and majored in
Undecided.
My
third year of college began with an advisor advising me to decide. I settled on psychology because it was
interesting without seeming difficult, despite receiving average grades in the
one psych class I took. I discovered a
love for testing psychological theories, not so much for hearing people talk about
their problems.
Along the way to a new goal of pursuing an academic career, I found a world
outside university libraries and labs.
Raucous friendships and courtship and a planned life together that
included corporate jobs and home ownership soon replaced animated discussions
about the insanity of Freud and the real-life personality studies found within college psych departments.
With
a new goal in front of me, I said goodbye to academia and hello to domesticity,
child-rearing, coupon clipping, and vacationing with babies. First days of school followed, as did dance
recitals and Little League and deaths and births of loved ones and new friends
who are more like family every day.
I've found a wonderful life that promises much more than I ever thought it would.
I've found a wonderful life that promises much more than I ever thought it would.
I
never became a dentist, though I’ve pulled teeth. I never drove a bus either, though I’ve
carted around plenty of kids to youth group.
I am a model when my daughter watches me apply mascara and nods
approvingly at my outfit before a night out, and I’ve decorated the walls of
our house over and over – I dare you to say I’m no artist. I’ve counseled friends in hard times, quietly
listened to my teenager until he says what’s on his mind, and made people laugh
and cry. I even find myself between two
funny ladies as they riff and zing off of each other every Girl’s Night Out.
I’ve
made other goals since growing up, and I found meaning, growth and new adventures
on my way to reaching them. I’ve learned
that any goals I make can be attained within this life and not a separate one
that I have to construct to hold them.
This life can contain it all.
Even
if the goals change and adapt as much as I do.
*******
This post inspired by:
Mama Kat's Writing Workshop
Prompt #1: Have you ever
felt that life was getting in the way of a big goal? Did you end up giving up or pressing forward?
Beautiful. It made me smile as I read...it rings with contentment and satisfaction at the choices you've made...and that is probably a rarer treasure than we realize.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Jess. I really appreciate that. xoxo
DeleteYou are where you're supposed to be, and that is awesome and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Alison. I wish I had realized it sooner. :)
DeleteWhat a wonderful (and as usual, hilarious) view of your life. I love the twists and turns in your journey and all the pleasure you've taken from it along the way.
ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up! Even as an adult I've mentally gone through that list - except to me dentist was yucky because of having my fingers in people's mouths!
Yeah, I'm not sure why I wanted to be a dentist. Maybe it was because I figured being one would absolve me from having cavities.
DeleteThat was so beautifully written! Made me smile and almost tear up at times. I love the outlook you have. It's so nice to read something like this every once in a while, it gives me a fresh perspective. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! We all need a fresh look at life once in a while. Or for me, quite frequently.
DeleteI love this post! It makes me reflect on what I've wanted to be throughout all the years and how my life didn't exactly go as planned all along but I'm happy at where I stand. Stopping by from Mama Kat's, you can find me at www.simplyhaleywebb.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThank you. It takes time sometimes to be happy where we are. What's that line from the Sheryl Crow song? "It's not having what you want / It's wanting what you've got."
DeleteI loved what you did with this post! Any time we are satisfied with where we are in our lives our goals have been me!
ReplyDeleteThat's a great way to look at it - thank you!
DeleteBeautiful. I hear you - a wonderful life promising more than I thought.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was very young, I said I wanted to be a garbage woman! Ha! Then it was movie star, naturally. The whole photographer/writer thing has been around as long as I've dreamed, actually. And the mother thing.
A garbage woman sounds like my idea of the bus driver - the open road, wind in your hair, doing a nice service for others...
DeleteDidn't we all want to be a movie star? I think I gave up that dream around age 35.
Add great blog writer to your accomplishments. I always did like the "Undecided" major at college. LOL.
ReplyDeleteYou're very sweet - thank you! Undecided was the best choice for me. If I could have made it my major for four years I would have. I tried. :)
DeleteIt's a great feeling knowing we are where we're supposed to be and that there is always time to make changes when we stop feeling content. Love this post!
ReplyDeleteIt is a great feeling, isn't it? Thank you!!
DeleteThe choices that you made certainly helped shaped your life. I too wrote on this topic this week.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to figure this out. Thanks for stopping by! :)
DeleteI wanted to be a ballerina.
ReplyDeleteEven though I flunked ballet.
I STILL don't know what I want to be.
But from now on when people ask me what I do?
I am gonna say I am a ballerina.
BECAUSE I AM IN MY SOUL
You've really given me something to think about. If you can be a ballerina, then I'm going to be Tina Fey.
DeleteXO
ReplyDeleteBecause you know you're AWESOME!
And so are you. Thank you! xoxo
DeleteIf you would have told me twenty years ago that I would be where I am now, I would have laughed. But it is where I am and I have determined it a good place to be.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic post, Andrea. Raising my glass to contentment. Cheers!
Thanks so much, Shannon! Twenty years ago, I would have laughed at where I am, too. I remember distinctly telling anyone within earshot back then that I am positively NOT having kids.
DeleteOops.
I love this post. The writing, the story, the lesson... all of it.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Jennifer. xoxoxo
DeleteThank you so much, Jennifer. xoxoxo
DeleteThis is such a lovely post. It truly resonated with me. We are all where we are supposed to be, and we have the power to change that if we so choose. Cheers to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Having the power to change it is a lesson I need to be reminded of daily, I think. :)
DeleteFirst, you totally rock satin, pink bunny ears!! ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd you made me realize how many goals I have met in this life... lovely post, my friend.
They do look like bunny ears, but in reality I was dressed as a mouse - one of Cinderella's mice, actually. Which makes the fact that I was holding a cat so cute. I just realized this when I posted the pic. :)
DeleteWhen we sit back and realize the goals we have made, life seems more amazing, doesn't it? I definitely need to do this more often.