It’s
fall, you guys!
FALL! The leaves have changed and are fallllllling,
Halloween has come and gone, school’s in the groove, and we are wearing jeans
and boots and scarves EVERY DAY!
Every. Day.
From now until Easter. Every day
I will be covering all my skin-covered parts except for my face. Every day I will be crushed under layers and
layers and layers of clothing. Warm,
fleecy, strangulating clothing.
And
all the warm-climate dwellers said:
Ha ha. We wear
bikinis all year long, and you are dumb.
Warm-climate dwellers. Sigh.
Do
you know what else fall means? Comfort
food. In this house we rely on it to
keep us warm from the inside out. Or at
least we rely on it to make us heavier for insulation purposes when the cold outside
threatens to freeze bones and suck all the moisture from skin and ruin lives.
One
of my favorite comfort food meals is Stuffed Peppers. My mom made it when I was a kid, and I have
to be up front and tell you this: it was not one of my favorite meals growing
up. Not even a little bit. But something happened on the way to
adulthood and now I love it with the fierceness of an Amazon Warrior Princess.
And
my kids love it too, so score one for me, and score zero for my mom.
Don’t
feel bad for her. She can handle it.
I
made it for dinner the other day. When
the kids came home from school, they were all “What’s for dinner, Mom?” and prepared
to make gagging noises and run screaming through the house, tormenting me for my
dinner decisions like they usually do. I
was all “Stuffed Peppers, chumps” and they totally changed their tune and fell
to floor, drooling on themselves and rolling around with pleasure.
Yes. They did this SHUT UP
And
whilst I was making the deliciousness that is stuffed peppers, I took pictures
so I could share my recipe, process, and genius with you. Yes, you.
Do you like stuffed peppers? Or
at least need an extra layer for the cold?
No matter. Join me.
![]() |
Looks gross; tastes good. Trust. |
Here
we go, nerds:
Ingredients:
4 green bell peppers. Cut off the stems and then cut each one in half
lengthwise and remove the membranes and seeds.
Is there anything worse than green pepper seeds? Those things are so sticky and they get
everywhere. There are probably five
hundred rogue green pepper seeds all dried up under my oven and in the cracks between
the tiles in my kitchen floor. Those
things hang on like herpes, or an umbilical cord stump. My daughter’s was on there for six weeks
afterward. SIX WEEKS! I wanted to yank it off but my husband was
afraid her intestines would spill out and he didn’t let me.
![]() |
Yeah, yeah. There are only three here. Take it easy. |
1 ½ pounds of ground
beef. You can use a combo of ground meats here if
you want. I have never done so. I am a ground-beef-in-stuffed-peppers
purist. Maybe that makes me
old-fashioned. I will also claim that
description.
½ of an onion, chopped. I use individually
selected sweet onions in all of my cooking.
I used to buy yellow cooking onions in the little red mesh bulk bag, but
I don’t anymore. You know why I don’t? Because I hate those red mesh bags. You cut off the tops and those bags
disintegrate and little pieces of red mesh spread everywhere like you know what
else? That’s right. Herpes.
15-oz CAN OF DICED
TOMATOES. Oops. I accidently hit the caps lock when I typed
that. Let’s move on.
2/3 cup long-grain
rice. Confession: I grabbed the wrong type of
rice at the grocery store and used medium grain instead of long grain for this
recipe. I will have to say: there is a
difference. It’s like medium grain is
the grade B of rice products. It’s like
broken up bits of rice. You totally
couldn’t get your name carved on a piece of medium grain rice at the state fair. It would be pretty hard to do and the carny
would charge you twice as much and you wouldn’t be able to see your name anyway
so you’d live the rest of your life wondering if you got hoodwinked.
About 1 cup water. There’s nothing to say about this
ingredient. We need water. 75% of our bodies are made of water, as is
75% of the earth. Coincidence? I think not.
I think our bodies ARE the earth.
It’s the circle of life. Ashes to
ashes and dust to dust and all that. I
don’t know. I don’t know what I’m
saying.
Salt ‘N’ Pepper. Push it.
2 T.
Worcestercestercestercestercestercestercestercestercestercestershire sauce.
1 t. dried oregano. You may also use dried basil or dried Italian
seasoning here. I used oregano, and then
wrote on my grocery list to pick up dried basil, because we were out. I think I used the last of it when I handed
out little ‘dime bags’ in lieu of candy
to the teenage trick-or-treaters on Halloween to take home and freak out their
parents. Ha ha ha, totally joking. I gave out condoms to the teenagers on
Halloween. NO I DIDN’T. We were just out of basil, okay?
About 6 slices of
American cheese. Be a man and get it sliced at the deli. If I found out you used Kraft singles to top
your stuffed peppers then I will cross the street when I see you coming.
Okay. It took you a long time to get all that stuff
together, didn’t it? Well, get used to
it, Barbara. Didn’t you know that
comfort food takes time? It does. But you’re in it, now. Stay with me.
Instructions:
Boil a pot of water and
put the green pepper halves in the water for three minutes. This takes the bitterness out of the
pepper. Just three minutes, okay? You’re not trying to cook the peppers – you’re
just taking out a little strength of the taste.
When you’re done torturing the peppers, sprinkle the insides with a
little salt and invert them onto paper towels to dry. Ignore their tears of pain.
![]() |
If you're bitter, you get boiled. Simple as that. |
Cook and stir the meat and onion in a skillet until the
meat is cooked and the onion is tender. While
this is cooking, go ahead and do a couple of tequila shots or give your
children a warning about neighbors offering marijuana on Halloween. Drain the fat when it is done and stir in the
undrained tomatoes, rice, water, Wor. sauce, oregano (or basil), and s & p.
Note: I usually just use
the tomato can for the water. That way,
I get the little bit of tomatoes left into the recipe and I don’t have to get
out another measuring cup. By the way,
this might be a good time to tell you that all the ingredients listed here are
approximate. Don’t be mad, sheesh. Is Beyonce coming over? No.
She isn’t. If this doesn’t work
out then just call for pizza or something.
Bring this concoction to
boiling, and reduce the heat. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes or
until the rice is tender. Stir it a few times. Yell at your
children to set the table because you know they’re just sitting around playing
on their phones waiting for you to fill their pie holes. OMG your kids are so lazy!
Stir in ½ of the cheese
until melted. Place
the peppers in a single layer in a 13x9 baking dish, and spoon the meat mixture
into each of the halves. Just spoon
any remaining meat mixture around the peppers in the dish, because you’ll want
to cook that up too.
![]() |
No cheese yet, because when this picture was taken I was getting busy stuffing slices into my mouth like a starving child at the deli counter in any grocery store in the US. |
Bake in a 375 degree
oven for 15 minutes or until heated through. Remove
from the oven and put the rest of the cheese on top and watch carefully as it
melts. Invite your kids over to watch
and ask if it reminds them of that part in Raiders of the Lost Ark where the
Nazis’ faces melted because they looked at the Ark like the greedy thieves they
were instead of covering their eyes. Then
tell them that that’s what will happen to them if they take drugs, have
unprotected sex, or smoke cigarettes.
Eat
this with mashed potatoes. Oh, did you
forget to make mashed potatoes while you were cooking this dish? Huh.
Well, if you were a true comfort food aficionado then you would always
have several containers of homemade mashed potatoes on hand. Or just mix up some instant ones. Or get the ones already premixed at the
grocery store. Mmmmm, those ones are the
best.
Enjoy
– and Happy Fall Comfort Food Eating! Don’t
forget your stretchy pants. You’ll need
them.
![]() |
Hey - where did that shredded cheese come from? From the bottom of an almost-empty cheese bag, people. Where all good things live. |
*******
I adapted this recipe from one I found in an ancient Better Homes and Gardens cookbook that one of my old lady relatives gave to me.
My husband orders stuffed peppers at restaurants but I have never made them. I will be saving this recipe for later for cooking and comedy purposes.
ReplyDeleteI have never ordered stuffed peppers at a restaurant because they're one of those foods that might taste weird made by someone else, you know? I'm so used to my own recipe. I can't wait to hear how it turned out at your house!
DeleteMy Grandmother and her Aunts all made stuffed peppers but I could never love them because I do not really enjoy cooked peppers. At. All. Somehow, though, yours like they might still be just this side of cooked, no? Don't get me wrong - the insides of those babies were to die for and I could eat that all day long. But the cooked peppers! I may have to give them another try...but my Daughter and the Hub also hate peppers.
ReplyDeleteSo maybe not.
Also, I just used up the last of my CSA peppers yesterday - diced those babies and froze them for whatever good thing I decide needs them over the winter like steak sandwiches or Spanish rice.
But seriously, your peppers look so not overcooked that I just may give it a shot.
I like a little crunch to the peppers. They really only go in the hot water bath for a few minutes, and cook for 15 minutes in the oven, so they are not mushy at all. I'm not a fan of the mush. And the salted insides do take out the bitterness. We don't have green pepper lovers here, but they really do like this dish.
DeleteI've said this before and I'l say it again - you're the best recipe writer on the planet. And this looks DELICIOUS.
ReplyDeleteIt IS delicious. And thank you. xoxo
DeleteI enjoyed your blogging as much as I imagined my belly full of these peppers. And cheese. And ground meat.
ReplyDeleteI'm hungry now. :)
Thanks, Kir! I just ate the last of these babies for lunch yesterday. It was shameful how much was left. And how much I ate. :)
DeleteOhhhh. Come to mama. And bring some of those peppers.
ReplyDeleteI think "Come to mama" is one of those phrases that never gets old for me. I am cracking up over here! And also, it's exactly how I feel about these peppers.
DeleteJust when I think I'm done laughing, I get to the cookbook disclaimer about your old lady relatives. (And I have a similar cookbook, also gifted by old lady relatives.)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't resist it! I have so many old lady relatives who gifted their stuff to me over the years. The best thing about those cookbooks is that they often have recipes in them that no one in their right mind would, or should ever make. Liver loaf, anyone?
DeleteMy mom used to make stuffed peppers! I didn't know anyone who ate stuffed peppers. I'm feeling very nostalgic right now.
ReplyDeleteGreat, funny post. And yes to fall and scarves and covering body parts.
Thank you Heidi! Isn't it funny how comfort food is so... comforting? :)
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