It’s not my natural inclination to be the boss.
Despite this, I’ve been the boss for a while
now. I wasn’t hired for this job;
rather, the position became mine by default.
My job description: to be in charge, to call
the shots, to possess answers, to put things in motion. To be the heart of our home, the one to whom
the rest of the family goes with questions, issues, permission. Everyone looks to you for guidance. Everyone is playing follow the leader; you
are the leader.
Had I been given the choice, I would have
turned the job down. Leading isn’t
really my strength. A good leader
allocates work to others depending on their own skills and abilities. She visualizes the work that needs to be
done, and develops a team to do the work in the most efficient, harmonious, and
productive way possible. She knows
everything; she thrills at the challenge at creating a hive of industry. A boss is a taskmaster, but also the rule
maker and judge.
Some people relish these positions and rise to
the occasion when offered. In contrast,
I am depleted by them; many moving parts overwhelm me, and I prefer solo
endeavors. Productivity is appealing,
but I like the freedom to do my own work without interruption. I’m not a good delegator, preferring to plug
away on my own rather than explain the work to someone else. I become impatient when people don’t
understand or listen the first time around.
I don’t like questions, and I’m a little bit of a perfectionist. You’re doing it wrong. I’ll take care of it. Find something else to do. Please - someplace else.
In the past, they’ve ignored my pleas for
solace. They crawled over me, hands and feet
and volatile and endless emergent needs in my way. Progress seemed slow; my own work was easily derailed.
I questioned my qualifications. The years since then brought them maturity,
and with it mobility, independence, confidence.
More and more, they go away to lead themselves. I feel badly; I miss them. I don’t really need help – there’s nothing to
be done. Come back. I want you.
Later, they say. In a minute,
tomorrow, next week.
It’s never right. I want what I don’t have. Chastising myself, I re-evaluate my position
– what was my role, again? To lead, but
also to encourage. To pull people in,
give them what they need to succeed, show them the path, and guide them when
they stray.
I look at them, and realize my success; despite
my natural inclination to shy away from the challenge of being in charge, I’ve done
okay. The people I lead are good quality
people. They do what they’re supposed to
do. Imperfect, yes, but there is always room
to grow. Today, I can see how they’ve bloomed
under my guiding hand. I feel rather
acutely that my position is changing. I look
forward to their future.
I’ve been a good boss so far.
*******
This post inspired by:
Mama Kat's Writing Workshop
Prompt #2: Write a post where the first and last sentences contain any form of the word “boss.”