You know, the second-best candy holiday, after
Halloween.
I grew up a candy-holic, like most of my family
members. We get our sweet teeth directly from the elder members, who encouraged candy consumption at any time and
without limits. We could count on bowls
full of sugar being proffered on the regular. Rarely a family gathering ends without the mauling of a Costco-sized bag
of candy by children and adults alike.
And all the dentists shouted AMEN.
This sort of upbringing lends itself to intense
sugar cravings, because anyone who’s anyone knows that sugar is a bad, bad, man
for addictive types.
It also lends itself to a person knowing
exactly what she likes when it comes to candy.
I am generally a non-discriminatory
candy eater. I will eat a half-dozen
jelly orange slices just as blissfully as I would savor a small piece of the
finest Swiss chocolate. But I do have
some favorites, candies that I regularly snag at the gas station, scoop in bulk
at the grocery store, and hide from my grabby sugar-addled monster children.
Here are just ten of my favorites:
1. Red Vines. You can buy giant bags of Red Vines in short lengths as well as movie-sized
boxes in longer lengths, but these are a
rip-off. Purchasing ten long plasticky
red-flavored snacks for a dollar when you can get 48 ounces of short ones for
three bucks is not a sound financial decision. They will hurt your teeth
and your stomach the same after eating four in a row, but oh, the satisfying
chew of these questionable treats. Are they strawberry? Cherry? I don’t even
care.
2. Skor. If you don’t bite into the waxy chocolate top
just hard enough to break the chocolate but not the toffee, and then slide the chocolate off carefully with your top teeth, eating the chocolate first and then the
toffee, then don't come around here anymore until you learn how to act.
3. Butterfinger. I love
Butterfingers so much that I don’t even mind that they stick to my teeth for
hours afterwards. I almost can’t talk about them, I love them so. They’re
chocolate and some sort of peanut buttery layered delicious crunchy stuff. My
kids don’t share them at Halloween and this is the number one reason why I regret
having children.
4. Cotton Candy. One of the best parts of summer, because it’s everywhere. I will mow down a linebacker for a fresh cone of cotton candy. I’m not sharing get your own.
5. Cadbury Mini-Eggs. Guess what, Rodney? They make these in dark, white, and milk chocolate flavors now. This genius decision by the Cadbury Mini-Egg people leads me to believe that they probably have a pretty solid world domination scheme in the works.
6. Good & Plenty. My favorite bulk
buy. Scoff if you want at my love for this
sweet and black licorice treat, but the fact that you think G&Ps are the
worst guarantees that there will be more for me. That’s how that works, losers.
7. Pretzel M&Ms. I haven’t eaten these in years, because for a while I was buying the Big Bag once a week and consuming the whole thing all by myself. I quit them cold turkey and dream about them every single day, but I’m not safe with them around.
7. Pretzel M&Ms. I haven’t eaten these in years, because for a while I was buying the Big Bag once a week and consuming the whole thing all by myself. I quit them cold turkey and dream about them every single day, but I’m not safe with them around.
8. Laffy Taffy. I craved grape Laffy Taffy
when I was pregnant, and ate it like it was candy. I’m not altogether sure what
it is, but I still love it more than you love your middle child. I also ate a can
of Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder like it was my last meal every day when I was
pregnant, so make your own conclusions about the quality of my pregnancy
cravings.
9. Bit-O-Honey. This is a nostalgic one – my
grandparents always had a bowl of BOHs in their dining room. They were hard as rocks, and we’d eat them
one after another, testing our fillings and scattering the red and yellow wax
wrappers all over. Then we’d climb the walls and Grandma would offer us donuts and root beer.
10. Chocolate-covered pomegranates. Currently plowing through an industrial-sized bag of these myself,
because no one else in my house likes them. They make me feel fancy because
they come in a fancy package, but everyone knows that they’re just chocolate
covered fruit snacks, which hello, kids’ fruit snack companies, you really
missed the boat on this one.
I didn’t even begin to cover my love for the
chocolate-caramel-nougat-nut combinations in every candy bar on the market. It’s
criminal, and maybe even a little bit sick.
My stomach hurts.
*******
This post inspired by:
Mama Kat's Writing Workshop
Prompt #1: List your top ten favorite candies.
I forgot cotton candy and Laffy Taffy on my list! What is wrong with me?!?
ReplyDeleteOMG what IS wrong with you!?!?!?
DeleteHa ha ha, just kidding. Cotton candy is easy to forget about because it's seasonal, like Girl Scout Cookies. Who says "Thin Mints" when asked about their favorite cookie? People give general flavors like "Chocolate Chip" or "Sugar" or "Oatmeal Raisin" when asked.
Just kidding - nobody says Oatmeal Raisin.
Cadbury Creme Eggs have to be the BEST Easter candy EVER.
ReplyDeleteThey are! Icing-filled chocolate eggs - genius. I'm telling you - world domination.
DeleteI hate chocolate. Yes, I am one of those freaks of nature who hates it but I do love me some other candy like laffy taffy. I also polished off a box of Nerds in like 5 minutes. Inhaled it as if it was oxygen.
ReplyDeleteCotton Candy is amazing. I want to be the cotton candy maker person. Just kidding. I don't. Have you seen the hot mess it makes. I love my hair thank you.
At least you aren't allergic to chocolate. I truly feel bad for those people. You are choosing not to eat it, which I respect, and I also approve of your other sugary preferences. Plus I laughed like a hyena at your comment about the cotton candy.
DeleteI know, right? Our families encouraged candy-binge holidays and now we have to pay the price.
ReplyDeleteBoy, do I love Skor candy bars.
Candy-binge holidays are my favorite holidays.
DeleteSame here; my family all seem to have a thing for sweets. It used to bother me. Not any more...
ReplyDeleteIf everyone's addicted to sugar, then nobody's addicted to sugar. That's how that works.
DeleteLafty taffy is good and so is cotton candy but I usually only eat it when the fair rolls around. Great list have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteYes. Cotton candy is a seasonal sweet.
DeleteAll these posts about candy! They're making my mouth water. I'm stopping at the store tonight for sure. Anyway, love Skor bars and red vines. I'm partial to the Twizzler pull-aparts, which I think I've commented countless times on today. And Laffy Taffy, yes! I like banana and rasberry and I twist them together and eat them. Yum!
ReplyDeleteI like Twizzlers, too - especially the pull-aparts, and the little bites. I'm not sure if they're Twizzlers or not, but I like them best when they're hard as rocks.
DeleteWe only have a couple in common. I love Reese's peanut butter ANYTHING but YES! to the Cadbury eggs!!
ReplyDeleteI like Reese's peanut butter cups, but I will pretend like I don't know them when there's a Skor bar around.
DeleteI read your list and it reminded me that Malt Easter Eggs needed to be on my list--so I very quickly added them! Good list!
ReplyDeleteThanks! The Robin Eggs are so much better than regular malted milk balls. Go ahead and try to ply me with Whoppers - I'll eat them, but turn on you in a heartbeat. ;)
DeleteThe Cadbury Mini Eggs are my kryptonite. I love them SO much!! I have to walk past them quickly or risk eating every damn bag in the candy aisle on the spot.
ReplyDeleteYES. I eat them until I can't see straight. It's madness.
DeleteThose Cadbury Mini Eggs are heroin for chocolate addicts like myself.
ReplyDeleteAlso, those Russell Stover chocolate marshmallow bunnies.
You can only find them in specific locales.
Sneaky bunnies.
Russell Stover, as a rule, is not my favorite chocolate maker. But put me in front of a large box of RS chocolates, and I know exactly what I'm gonna get: caramel first, then the toffee, then peanuts, marshmallow, and chocolate or vanilla creme. Never had the marshmallow bunnies. WHO AM I
Delete