The closer we are to a situation, the less
clear it looks. – Wally Lamb, We Are
Water
I read this sentence the other day and it hit
me right between the eyes.
The eyes that for the last few years have been
failing, giving reason to purchase and stash several pairs of cheap magnifiers
in drawers and containers all over the house, a behavior that I previously only
heard about middle-aged women doing. An army of middle-aged women walking around
in curlers, slippers, and housecoats, cigarettes dangling from their pinched
lips as they haphazardly ironed their husband’s threadbare work shirts to
within an inch of their lives, leaving behind scorch stains on collars and
guileless entrapment in the air.
There I was, reading and re-reading and writing
down these words so that I could remember, squinting at my handwriting because
where are my glasses? I held the page at arm’s length and the words became
clearer.
The closer I am, the less I see – it’s a simple
truth, often said in different ways.
We hurt the ones we love the most – they are
nearer to our waves of shame and embarrassment, leading to defense and blame.
They see our mistakes and aren’t afraid to tell us we’re wrong. We let down our
guard with them, are safe with them – their love won’t dry up just because we
lash out now and then. But we have to be careful; over time, even the closest relationships
crumble when we defend too much. When we trust we won’t lose their love, we forget
that the wounds we inflict run deep.
We lose perspective when we see only one part
of a situation. The one puzzle piece we examine closely loses its meaning when
on its own. Fit into the larger picture, it occupies a meaningful position.
Held in hand, eyed thoughtfully and thoroughly, it’s one-dimensional. It might
be interesting to us, but everywhere else it’s nothing. Our own experiences are
infinitely interesting to us, but when we bring them up to others out of
context, we seem insensitive, foolish, self-centered, boring.
There is a back-and-forth to life, a careful assessment
of personal experience coupled with an overview of where that life fits into
the world. This dance, when unbalanced, looks like selfishness at one extreme
and loss of self at the other.
If we don’t pay attention, we miss what’s going
on around us. If we pay too much attention, we miss what’s happening within us.
Whatever we’re closest to loses its meaning in
the big picture if we don’t step back once in a while and take it all in.
I wish there was a formula for achieving the
perfect balance, always seeing the clear picture. I am a list-maker, like to
follow a set of rules. Simplifying the execution is the name of my favorite
game; if I do the work up front, the rest of the job is easy. Checking boxes is
my favorite sport.
So is missing the forest for the trees.
There’s a world of people to learn from, to
hold us accountable, to share life with. We can do our part by looking up and
out and then down and in, transforming into the best version of ourselves. We
can cultivate our unique talents and gifts and then give them away, to make
life better for all.
The closer we are to something, the less clear
it seems.
It’s worth it to step back and see where we are.
*******
No comments:
Post a Comment