Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Please Turn It Off

My minivan hugged the familiar curves of the narrow back road. It was dark now, a good hour or so since the sun had officially set, but not yet too late for kids’ activities. I was going to pick up my daughter from school. The night was an early one; I might be home before nine.

Deer that dart from the woods on either side of the road were my main concern. I have been hit by too many deer to let my guard down while driving at night. Wrecking into a deer is dangerous and annoying; they cause wildly expensive damage to a moving vehicle, weighing only slightly less than a moving vehicle.

That’s why I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was singing along to on the radio.

The worst song.

Turn on your Heartlight

Heartlight, the 1982 Neil Diamond classic, inspired by the smash movie E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial from that same year, one of my favorite movies of all time and one of the few that I saw more than once in the theater despite only being nine years old. I saw it four times, and remember it being out in the theaters for so long that I wondered if it would eventually become permanent.

Let it shine wherever you go

Lord, why is this song still being played on the radio? Did they run out of Whitney Houston hits? What barrel bottom was scraped to unearth this swill? My ears might be bleeding.

Let it make a happy glow

I knew all the words. And I sang them. I sang them just like Neil Diamond did, that gravelly-voiced king of schmaltz. I really put my heart(light) into it.

For all the world to see.

And why not? I had the 45 as a kid, the record played until its likely and untimely demise at the hands of one of my brothers or maybe one of my parents due to its near-constant and ear-splitting playtime on my stereo, which held court as the centerpiece of my bedroom, two huge speakers flanking the sides, wreaking havoc on the decent musical tastes of everybody in our house on the regular.

Turn on your Heartlight

I couldn’t blame them. My family knew what was good, and this wasn’t it.

In the middle of a young boy’s dream

It was one of those things that kids buy for themselves that parents regret allowing. The record probably cost a cool $1.65 in 1982, a dollar and some change scrabbled together from who knows where, probably from Grandma and the couch cushions or dad’s coin jar.

Don’t wake me up too soon

Oh, how times have changed. Yesterday my 15-year-old asked me to withdraw $50 from his bank account, probably for extra lunch money. He made it from selling some of his unwanted stuff on eBay. If I saw the same movie at the theater more than once it would have to be one darn good movie, a heck of a lot better than that Magic Mike crap.

Gonna take a ride across the moon

The song abruptly cut out and the phone rang in the car. Saved by Bluetooth. I hit the handsfree button. It was my daughter.

You and me

“Mom, you didn’t leave yet, did you? I’m getting a ride. I’ll be home soon.”

I couldn’t believe it. Subjected to Heartlight for nothing. I turned the car around and headed back home, singing away.

Turn on your Heartlight now
Turn on your Heartlight
(whispers) nowwww

Sway with me





    1. That is my ultimate plan. ;) It is so awful but fantastic.

  2. I will not click that triangle. I will not do it...but ET is in the video, oh it would be nice to see ET for a minute.....noooooo

    1. You clicked the triangle, didn't you? 😀😀😀

  3. LOVE IT! If I wake up tomorrow with that son b in my head, Imy completely blaming you.

    1. Wow....serious typos. Autocorrect fail.

    2. Ha ha. I woke up to it in my head, too. Oh, autocorrect. It always fails me.

  4. I LOVE THIS SONG. Man, I wish it were 1982 again.

    1. Me too. I'd go back in a heartlight heartbeat, only without the perms.